dadbeatdad | Seasons - Lucifer's Voicemail

You have time to swing by for a talk? I can't go out yet for reason and I need this before I do...so I don't do something that will be regretted, no matter how much I want to.

Of course, friend. It's a little early. Shall I bring coffee? Do you even drink coffee? On my way.

Can you pick up a couple of cheese teas? I can pay you back for the second one?

No need to pay me back. I'll a couple. Don't worry about it. I'll be there soon.

[Lucifer is true to his word. A portal to the cafe for two cheese teas and a coffee then another portal to the castle's front door. He raps on it and waits. Best to not barge in, right? Especially when something was so clearly wrong.]

[Wukong answers the door quickly enough to make it obvious he was waiting for him. He steps aside, at the same time holding out a hand for one of the teas.]

Thanks, you can make yourself comfortable anywhere.

[He walks in and hands over the tea.]

You're welcome. Sure thing.

[He moves to sit down and sets down the other cheese tea and sips his coffee. He'll wait for Wukong to return. He can guess who he is delivering that too.]

[His guess is right on. Wukong takes the tea to MK, letting him know he'll be downstairs with Lucifer if he needs anything. He leaves the pets and Lt. Monkey to care for him and returns to Lucifer, taking a sip of his tea.]

I'm not going to do it, but I'm really regretting being against murder right now.

Something terrible must have happened if you're saying that. And I'm guessing it wasn't to you.

MK?

[It isn't a hard guess but he still wants to check.]

MK. He was pulled into another virtual thing, and he died out of my reach...at the hands of his mate.

[He growls with the last word, his tail lashing.]

I find out because MK portals into my nest last night, with a scream that sounds like someone fed his soul into a paper shredder before bursting into broken tears. And all I want to do right now is to go pound Red Son into a fine paste since the last time something like this happened talking did SO MUCH GOOD.

[He takes a long drink through his straw.]

[It takes Lucifer a moment to process that very abridged version of what must have happened. Still, his mate killed him?]

I...that's awful. That would earn Red Son a spot in hell guaranteed. Maybe it has. Okay. So he dies but then came back and found you.

And he's upstairs right now. Which explains why you don't want to leave. Is there more to this? Was he forced to by this virtual thing? And you said last time something like this happened. Did Red Son try to kill him before?

Red Son's childhood was preying on the empathy of humans to lure and eat them, so I'm pretty sure the spot would be there if we were from the same world.

[The question gives him enough pause to actually breathe before he explains in more details. Probably a good thing.]

According to MK, he found the collar that used to belong to Red Son while none of them had memories and put it on for some reason. But when Red Son got his memories back he ordered MK to take it off, so he had to. I won't go into how he was trying, because that was bad enough that Red Son should have taken that back...but instead he apparently decided to help MK along with a SAW INSTEAD. And MK felt like he had to apologize to me for dying and breaking his promise to always be here.

[He's not yelling, but the force behind his words might as well have the same impact.]

And no, he didn't try to kill him before. Last time he broke MK, it was because he gave a courting gift to Saya...who is wonderful by the way, without clearing the air with MK first... [A pause.] This was before they started dating by the way. And then Red Son decided to manipulate MK's feelings for him while MK was cursed to be a weremonkey during the full moon...because it was just instincts and Red Son was the only viable partner material for those new instincts. MK realized he was lying and flew into a rage. Probably would have killed Red Son if Saya hadn't stepped in long enough for me to get there and figure out what was up. And after that my next two nights were comforting a broken MK who thought he'd never have anyone.

So yeah, long story short, this is the second time that Red Son and his issues have caused serious harm to MK, and it's also the second time that one of his partners has felt like they needed to apologize to me for things they didn't do. And I should talk to him about it, but if I do right now I know I'll say or do something I can't take back.

[See why he reached out before trying to address this himself.]

Edited 2024-06-21 16:03 (UTC)

[Lucifer sips his coffee as he listens. Oh this is a lot. With a lot of context. Okay. So cursed objects, memory loss, and tragedy. Sounds like a horrible time for everyone involved. And this is the second time something like this has happened. No wonder there is so much force behind those words. A hidden rage that could level a mountain range.

Welp.]

I can see why you wanted to talk about it first. That is a lot. And your anger is justified. Someone you love has been hurt. That hurts. More than anything.

[A small song chord plays out somewhere but Lucifer isn't about to sing. Not now, music.]

Let's start with MK. He came to you. The apology and that promise are something you can talk about another time. When he's recovered. But right now, you're doing what you can. But let's focus on him for just a moment.

How did you feel when he came to you? And explained everything? And right now. Talk me through that.

I was heartbroken for him. MK's lost something fundamentally him for nearly everyone...except me. And I'm angry. Angry is an understatement. I wanted to go as soon as I heard and make Red Son pay...but MK needed me. He still does. And he needs me to not make things harder for him than they are.

But I'm not good at dealing with these kinds of issues, the ones he already had, or anyone's. I've been coasting by on the fact that we understand each other easily so this is a place he can feel secure.

Alright. You say you're not good at dealing with these things. Where do you struggle with them? Why do you think that?

[Wukong almost abruptly deflates, looking down at the cup in his hands.]

Because I'm a fuck-up. It hasn't mattered how I approach trying to help or to protect what matters, I mess it up and everything falls apart. I can't give people what they need.

When it comes to MK, I've never had the confidence issues that he has. I've always been comfortable in who I am. Never questioned if I'm good enough to be where I am. I can reassure him that he's enough, be encouraging and proud of him and mean it because I am. But I can't help the doubts and fears because I don't know how.

With Red Son, empathy never works for him because he's past wanting empathy and being able to empathize past people he cares about. He wants it acknowledged that he was hurt and that's wrong, without having to deal with any of the things surrounding that. And I struggle with that, so I can't really do much there except be available.

Macaque...well that's pretty much all me. I gave him the impression that I was in it for myself, when I thought I was securing our future together. He made that more than clear when we had our first fall-out. Recently we've been working through the fact that I wasn't clear that we were mates back then and I had chosen him, even though I thought I was being obvious. But...I can tell that there's still something there that I'm not doing, or seeing, or giving him.

And those are just the examples for people who are here.

I think stating you're a fuck up is a little extreme, Wukong. Take a breath and let's go through them one at a time. Yes?

MK. He has confidence issues and you have never had them before. You knew who you were the moment you hatched from the stone, yes? Where do you think this comes from for him? If he is comparing himself to you, those are massive footprints to fill. And he has not had as much time as you to build his name for himself.

Let's start there.

There's that, yeah. But he also blames himself for everything that's gone wrong, even though no one else does...except the people trying to get into his head. And then there's the whole "surprise, he's been a stone monkey this whole time" and being scared to harness his monkey form.

And I just...can't identify with that enough to help. Besides when it's just us.

Hmm. So he blames himself for things going wrong. Then there is that whole other issue of surprise, you're not human! Okay.

You do not have to identify with his problems to help, Wukong. Trust me on that. I know that from watching Charlie. You can still help despite not fully knowing or feeling what someone else is going through.

Perhaps those two things are related. A lack of self identity could be what causes him to blame himself. He's trying to find who he is. And, unfortunately, many of us tend to lean toward blaming ourselves and labeling ourselves as the monster or the problem. Especially when there are others who, despite not having our best intentions in mind, reinforce that view. Trust me. I know the feeling.

Perhaps instead of trying to counter it, something you can do is acknowledge it a little more. Tell him you see him. Yes, he's messed up. Yes, he's caused problems. But no one holds him solely responsible. And he can accept that but also be kinder to himself about it because everyone makes messes and mistakes. Look at the pig in your journey. He caused SOOOOOOO so so so many problems, didn't he? Even Macaque did for you.

Heaven, spirits, demons, and even yourself. And the monk. Especially the monk.

But you remember most of them fondly. Why? It worked out. You could move forward. Even when things were really really bad. And even now, you have messes you feel you need to clean up. Like with Macaque, don't you?

I've been trying to teach MK that things will work out if he leaves him better than how they were broken, but I can't...acknowledge the things he didn't do like he has something to improve on there.

[He finishes half the tea.]

And Macaque...was my fault, I guess. Yeah, he caused me trouble...but that was because of me, and I know I still have things to answer for.

When I say acknowledge I mean say you hear him when he says it. That he feels that way. Not that it's true.

Because he is feeling like that. And not everything can be fixed so easily or even at all. But learning from it, trying to understand it, and working to make sure it doesn't repeat is just as productive.

Macaque and you both made choices. I don't know everything but you both did. And those choices had consequences for you both. Choices and feelings abound. It is complicated. Very complicated, clearly. Love always is.

I could try that. It can't hurt more than he already is.

We both did yeah. Long story short is I wanted to secure things so we would have forever together. I was gone a bit. A lot, but I always sought him out first when I came home. I was always watching him, checking in, trying to show that he was cared for and valued. He was the only person I ever marked or let mark me, even when we were fooling around with the brotherhood...and why wouldn't I? He was always amazing and adorably attractive. Perfect and wholly worth achieving forever for.

[He smiles wistfully before sobering again, clearly still completely smitten]

Then when I was sealed under the mountain...I blew up at him because I was hurt and angry about everything. He blew up back about me always chasing power. Told me to my face that I was just doing it for myself, that I'd dragged everyone into my mess, that it was my own fault I was sealed away because I didn't listen to him. Which...maybe he was right. If I had backed down, then there would have been no one to inspire the brotherhood to action. At the very least, my brother Azure wouldn't have been inspired without me. And he left...never came back. Just close. That's where it started and everything else...just spiraled from there.

The after isn't where the problem is though, the journey to the west, those fights. We've resolved that. I think. We've talked and decided to move past that.

That kind of love is powerful. But I also know, from experience, how much it hurts when it feels like it's lost. Even for a little while.

But let's focus on MK still for just a moment longer. Then we can come back to Macaque.

You have something to try. Once you tell him you are acknowledge what he feels, try to ask him why. Ask him questions. See what he says. Walk him through it. You're going to be better at this than you think. Why? Because you care. Just help to make him feel heard. And ask him to think through it. Why is it his fault? Is it only his fault? Is there really blame to give? Where can most of the responsibility or blame be placed and why?

People change because they want to and someone supports them to do it. Someone says I know you want to be better, and I'm here to help you do just that.

You do a good job of making it sound simple and obvious. And you're not wrong. Plus we agreed he'll be staying here for a while so he can feel safe and recover, so maybe there will be time for it.

It is a little easier when you're on the outside looking in, I will admit.

Now for the...tougher subject.

Red Son.

Let's start with you just venting everything you are angry about. Go on. I'm listening.

Red Son.

It's a lot. Red Son is a lot like his father, proud, stubborn, and so certain of how things should have been that getting through to him could probably kill most mortals from the effort alone. It makes talking with him, working with him, being there for him hard. And I know it's because of my history with him, and the fact that he was separated from his father so young with no outside help.

But the thing that is making me angry is that he outwardly blames everyone else and everything else for the trauma he's suffering, while claiming he understands that he and his family are villains. He takes no time to consider how their actions, or even specifically his, affect people and never stops to think when he should...but basically demands that people are understanding of how he was hurt while he's dismissing everything else. He wanted me to acknowledge his pain and gave no attempt to meet me halfway in anything until he got his apology...but the last time pain like this was caused because of his trauma and insecurities he couldn't even concede that he should have talked to MK first.

I'm angry that he put me through so much grief about how I should talk more, dismissing everything I did and my attempts to show I care and that I understood and saw him, because it wasn't the exact way he needed it to be...but then he hurt MK. And now he's hurt MK again even worse than before, and I know enough to know it was because of the collar and that trauma...but I don't really care because I'm so mad right now. I want to care, but I'm also sick of caring when he has to act like his lack of empathy and his personal issues are pretty much the whole world's fault and no one else's.

And I'm angry because I want to be past the anger and the resentment and the frustration. I want to be available for him because he is my nephew and I care even if he swore up and down that I only thought I cared for him straight until I moved out. Even if him convincing his family not to do the thing that got his father sealed away and traumatized him was apparently dependent on my not fucking up with them even though I've left them alone since they freed DBK and immediately leveled a city full of innocent mortals and past that. And even though he ignored my advice when he asked for my help with MK's weremonkey stuff.

All of that's why I'm regretting not being able to just snap him in two even though I'd regret it.

[There is a lot there. A lot. Lucifer gently turns his ring around on his finger. He nods finally at the end.]

To start, you care for Red Son. When the people we care about hurt us and hurt the other people we care about, it hits us the hardest. It is a deep betrayal. I understand why you are so angry. Yet you know yourself and MK and Red Son enough to know if you did that, you would be delivering the same hurt onto MK and Red Son right now.

Though, Red Son's pain is also valid. Children whose parents are distance and gone react in one of two ways. The parent becomes someone they avoid, they feel alienated from, and even if they want to connect, they are scared or angered because they don't want to reach out.

Or the children yearn so deeply for their parent they do the opposite. They do anything for approval, recognition, and attention. They will forgive any sin. Red Son seems to be on that path. He yearned for his father's presence and approval once more so much, he forgave anything he's done. Which means all of that anger and pain has to be directed somewhere.

It isn't fair you were the target because you sealed him away. Because some of that should be at his father for doing something he should have known better than to do. He got away unscathed for the most part from your war on heaven. Yet he then decided to wage war against humanity and didn't think he would face consequences? That was a foolish decision on his part. He should have known better. He has no excuse not to. Yet Red Son, in his yearning, dismissed that idea likely long ago.

It most likely doesn't help that Princess Iron Fan never allowed him to consider that point of view on top of everything else. Her anger at you was also inherited by Red Son, being raised and around her and her loss, pain, and anger.

I have a question about Red Son. Do you want his forgiveness or his understanding more?

I'd rather his understanding. But he apparently needed to forgive me to get anywhere. So does that really even matter?

I would press him on that. Understanding likely should come first in order to forgive. Shouldn't it?

I mean, I would have thought that.

Perhaps you could bring that up when you do speak with him. But that will be after we talk about some more things.

So you have that. Understanding can come before forgiveness. May need to, between you both.

Now. Red Son, as I said, seems to see his father in a light of admiration. Trying to discuss the finer points of that won't do you much good. That's something Red Son has to decide to tackle and think about. It isn't for you nor is it your responsibility to handle that or help him handle that.

What you can focus on is him, you, and MK. You're hurting, MK is hurting, and I am sure Red Son is hurting. So let's start with what you would want to say to him. Pretend I'm Red Son.

[Wukong has to think about that for a good minute, nursing his tea before leatting out a sigh.]

I want to know what was going through your head. When you told him to take it off, and MK's response was to set himself on fire in order to strangle himself to snap it...why didn't you stop him? Think of some other way to remove the collar if it was that dangerous to him?

Let's start there.

And what if Red Son doesn't have an answer? I think it is a good question to start with.

But what if the answer is he doesn't know? Would that anger you?

No. I'd rather if he could just say that.

If he could? So you think he'll say something else?

We don't have a great track record of him being able to honestly admit that kind of stuff when one or both of us is upset. Because of the obvious.

It didn't matter if it was something as minor as him actually wanting to get me a housewarming gift or the reason he offered for me to move in with him when I first got here. And when it was the whole hurting MK the first time it was just apparently easier to think of reasons he didn't need to think he should have talked to MK before things went how they did...because it was me and I was a source of pain. Which he did when it came to trying to empathize with him and to get him to at least acknowledge the deeper reasons for the lack of support the world gave him when it came to DBK.

Which I get, even though I don't hold those kinds of grudges. But it's frustrating because it's not about us, it's about them. And it feels like it happens any time I press him to think about the reasons behind what he's doing.

Alright. So it sounds like his distrust of you makes it hard to communicate. Not surprising. But especially when it comes to other people. Hmmm.

Something to try is remind him the conversation at hand isn't about you and him. It's about him and MK. And you, Mk's mentor and mate, and him, his other mate, need to talk about this. And that you need him to be honest with you for Mk's safe. He doesn't have to trust you or forgive you but Mk deserves it. Because you both can't help him if you aren't honest with one another.

That could help actually. Possibly.

[Finally, he sits down next to Lucifer with a loud, somewhat overdramatic sigh.]

Where were you in the fall?

In Hell, kicking the crap out of my ex-wife's ex-husband. It was fun.

Oh! Speaking of. If it comes to it, and I don't recommend it, but if for some reasons hands to get thrown or he does some big dramatic like punish me thing? Just out your hand on his shoulder and go;

'No. How does mercy taste, you little bitch?' It's gold. And it feels great. So if you gotta, use it.

[That handily derails the sour mood noticeably. Wukong just gapes at him for a moment before he bursts into laughter.]

You seriously did that?!

Fuck yes I did! I told him I fucked both his ex-wives, kicked his ass with my daughter, and then didn't kill him. Charlie stopped me. Then I delivered that line and it felt so good.

Then a janitor stabbed him. Hilarious!

Oh geez...the janitor?! That had to hurt as much as the disrespect!

[Wukong has a good laugh with that one.]

Oh I'm sure it did. She stabbed him at least ten times. Prick deserved it. Ha! Anyway. You got that in your pocket. Just in case you need it.

And I think you needed that laugh so two wins for the price of one.

IIIII guess you're not wrong. Though you're setting a bar that I need to laugh at least once per visit.

I'll keep that in my pocket for if I need it.

I will endeavor to not disappoint you friend. Ha!

Good. You deserve a good one-liner. Now. Thinking about your talk. What goal are you looking for? Do you even have one?

Not really. I just...this can't keep happening. It's only been twice that I know of, but that's twice in less than a year, since it's only just coming around to a year that I've been here.

I want him to think about that. For someone like MK, who lives like a mortal, since that's been his life, a year's still not that long. For someone like me, or you, or Red Son...a year might as well be a few days. It's no time at all.

You want him to consider MK. Consider why this has happened twice and for him to, perhaps, try to change things so he doesn't do it again. That's what it sounds like.

What about MK? All of this can't be good for him. Is he fragile? Has he always been fragile? The way you talk about him, it seems he has a few weak spots. And all this is hitting them pretty hard.

Pretty much that.

MK is...not confident. At all. He either tries to brute force his way to succeeding while acting like things are fine, or he blames himself for everything that goes wrong or for not being able to fix it.

He's attacked by Red Son's mother before he has my powers and robbed of my staff, that's his fault. His energy is stolen by a spider demon, when he has the spider phobia, also his fault. Me dying to protect him and Red Son here when they were literal children in danger...you get the picture. It's why my first instinct when having him apologize for being killed by Red Son is regretting my no-murder stance.

Between that and how afraid he is of himself, and how much he struggles with himself and where he fits into people's lives...yeah, I'm pretty sure he's always been fragile but we're all the first time he's seriously had to try to work through it all.

That is a lot. A lot of self blame and identity issues. Not to mention holding himself up to impossible standards.

I see why you're struggling to feel like you can do anything. ...He clearly looks up to you. Maybe when you praise him, remember that someone as amazing as you truly is proud of him. Go into that. Not just that you're proud but why. Explain it to him.

Maybe that will help it sink in more. It will also have you really think more about what you are proud of, and help point out what he is overcoming and why you are proud of him for it.

Maybe. It might have been expecting a bit much to expect him to read between the lines.

[His tone makes it obvious that's not an insult. That's just not really been MK's strong suit.]

Well, he is. But he's reading the worst version of what's between the lines. If you want him to read the best between the lines, best to show him what to actually look for.

I get that, I just don't get where I there's a negative to find for "Better! Way way better! You're getting good."

I do get where pretty much every point I've been frustrated was...even though that's almost never compared to that.

But that's not a him problem so much as the "Me never having to worry about confidence or insecurity" thing.

So you're not wrong.

When you say better. Way way better. Did he win whatever it was that was about?

Because what you see is improvement, he may see as the gap between where he is and where he wants to be.

So though you see how far he's come, he only sees how far he has to go.

Alright, fair.

Because, no. He didn't win, since he was sparring against me...so unrealistic expectations.

But fair.

And you just found the problem. Unrealistic expectations.

He is measuring himself up to you instead of his past self. Or rather not also with his past self.

Let's face it. You are a very hard act to follow in a lot of ways.

You're not wrong, again.

It's just getting him to not do that, I guess? I mean, he's also done an amazing job of bailing me out of trouble.

Which I maaaay need to spell out past thanking just him for always doing that.

Just spell it out a few times then have him practice confirming what you're saying. Ask him to read between the lines. That way you can make sure he's learning.

That could work. Asking him if he means something a certain way has helped some, and this isn't much different.

Exactly. You can help to use similar things to get the point across. And you are patient with him. That's what it sounds like he needs most. Your patience.

Well he already has that. So maybe changing my approach a little will help more.

Think of it as expending the approach you're already doing. Just more. Since you're already on the right track.

Heh, at least someone thinks I am.

Sometimes all a person needs is a little support and someone to believe in them to keep going.

Now just imagine if more people heard the devil giving pep talks.

...but seriously. Thanks. All I was asking for was for you to give me an outlet so I don't do something stupid.

They'd be shocked and it would be so funny.

Well I mean, giving you an outlet also means giving you a pep talk. You're doing what you can. And no matter how it does, good or bad, you are trying. That's what matters.

You know, I actually kind of hate that I had to come to another world to start hearing that?

[He grumbles and turns to lay on the couch, the top of his head almost touching Lucifer's leg and his legs hanging over the couch arm.]

Every world needs a scapegoat. One the world can lay the blame for their sins upon. One heaven can declare is the villain.

[His fingers gently run through Wukong's hair. Just combing it through.]

But here? Heaven has jurisdiction. Your heaven, or mine. Here, we get to choose. And if some can't let that go, that isn't an us problem.

...has anyone been giving you problems with that?

My wife.

[The answer is spoken softly. His fingers still running through orange hair.]

Before she left me. The mortals of my world, so many of them. All of heaven. Even...Sara.

[He should have specified "here", but that's still heartbreaking and he reaches back to wrap both arms around Lucifer's waist in a firm hug.]

Thank you friend. [He pats Wukong's head.] I have been fortunate. No one here has. Yet. But they might. If they do, I'll simply remind them they have Free Will. They make their own choices. I have no power over that. And I would never want to.

That's because you're awesome, and everyone should know legends aren't ever fully true.

You're awesome too, Wukong. And they should, but they don't. At least us two legends understand one another. I am glad to have a friend in you.

Same. We need a karaoke night again sometime. After all of this. Or sparring. Or both.

Why not both? I love to sing. And it's been forever since I had someone to spar with who could keep up.

Then we'll do both. Spar for the day and sing at night.

I look forward to it~

Same for when you get that fancy hotel open, Luci.

And are you going to come when it opens?

Of course I am. You think I wouldn't check out my friend's business?

I just wanted you to know you have a VIP ticket to the event.

See now you're just twisting my arm so I can't say no. I love being a very important primate!

All part of my devious devil plan~

Just so insidious. I'll never recover from this deception.

I'll make sure there's peach wine and vodkaaaaa~

Done!!

Dad. We need to talk. Please get back to me quick as you can.

Hey. I just got your message. What's going on. Are you alright?

[Worried Dad is obviously worried. He has no idea what is about to happen.]

Oh I'm fine, dad. I just... ugh...

[ A soft groan follows as she figures out her words here. ]

You're sleeping with Miss Evangeline?! Seriously???

[He waits. And then THAT comes out of his phone. Oh. Oooooooh.]

Uuuuuuuuh. O-On occasion?

I didn't even know you WERE the type to have friends with benefits but I guess I was wrong..

[ She loves you dad but... this is just a bit much for her to be taking in right now. ]

Like.. okay, look. I know you can do whatever you want, dad... but i'm worried about how this would look to anyone who wanted to come to our hotel.

I mean...uh. Not sure you want me to go more into that honestly.

[He clears his throat because oh boy. How to tell your daughter about sleeping with Eve?]

I asked Angel about it. And they are someone you are trying to redeem. And they said as long as everyone understands that it isn't romantic and...given your mother and I have been separated for a while, that it would be alright to...explore this kind of thing.

It isn't like I'm sleeping with everyone self assured confident woman I meet. Evangeline was quite...enamored with me and I was flattered.

And after she died, she required distraction. And I assisted with that. And talking to her about how she felt after, somewhat.

I mean, if you think it would affect the hotel, I could talk to her about well. Not doing that anymore.

[ Given how it must have felt after her mom and him split, to have someone show legitimate interest in him? It must have been nice, right? It didn't seem to her like it was just done without any regard or the like, plus he had talked her through some stuff so there was definitely more to it all than it had initially looked. ]

Just... until we can get the hotel fully up and running with some patrons? Maybe just... hold off for a little while?

[ A pause. Oh no. Now she felt bad for trying to dictate what her own dad should be doing. ]

I'm not saying stop completely. Um.. temporary break? [ She exhaled a soft groan. ] If that's okay, I mean.

I can do that. She'll understand.

[Lucifer pauses.] Are you alright, Charlie? I know...this must be a surprise. All things considered...

It was for me when it happened, I'll admit.

A surprise is.. ah.. one way to put it.

[ Even if he couldn't see it, Charlie shook her head and sighed softly. ]

I'll be fine though, dad. I'm not really mad at you or anything, okay?

Alright.

Just...if you want to talk about it. We can. If not, that's okay too.

That's the thing. I DO want to talk about it but I don't even know where to begin..

Alright. Well, take a breath and go with whatever comes out first?

I... well.. okay.

[ There's a small pause as she takes a deep breath, then exhales. A moment of silence and then it's broken as the words all kind of spill out at once. ]

I'm totally all about having healthy coping habits and it should be fine as long as it's helping others but i'm also supposed to advocate against people having sex before marriage. [ She pauses to take another inhale, then exhale. ] I also don't want to seem like i'm trying to tell my own dad what to do because that would be mean and not my place to do that, and i just want everything to work out with the hotel here...

[ Whoops. Hope that was even remotely understandable to him. ]

[Lucifer listens. He did love through Charlie's emo phase. This isn't the same but if he could do that, he can get through this. Especially with him trying to make up for lost time. Lost connection.]

Okay. Let's break it all down. Sex before marriage is a biblical thing. And here, I mean, it isn't such a bad thing unless someone wants to become more virtuous, right? And I understand you wanting to make sure everyone is safe. And you're just telling me your worries. And I would rather you be honest than hold it in, Char Char.

We'll make this hotel work. I will do everything I can to make sure it does. I said I would support your dream, whatever lies instore, and I meant it. With all my heart.

[ Just hearing how well her dad takes it all is a bit of a relief, given her concerns about all of this. It reminded her that this wasn't hell so things would be a little different when it came to redemption and what it took, so perhaps she was coming down too harshly on this? ]

Thanks for hearing me out on this, dad. I... was worried it'd come off as being a bit... aggressive? Which I don't want to be, so... um.. yeah.

[ Charlie exhaled a very heavy sigh but when she speaks again her tone is much more uplifted. ]

I really do want you to know how much it means to me that we're getting a chance to do something like this here.

Oh not at all. It was more uh morally panicked, if anything. Which given what we're trying to do, makes complete sense.

[He isn't upset about her request or the worries. They are valid. He's just surprised internally she didn't bring up her mother. Maybe Angel was more right than he originally even thought.]

It means a lot to me too, Charlie. We're doing this together. I've been devouring books on self-help, communication, and psychology. Working at the library let me read a whole lot while we worked to getting the hotel up and running.

[ She'd honestly been tempted to bring up her mom but decided not to, and focusing on what he was saying helped push those thoughts aside. ]

Awwww, really?? Dad, that's amazing!!

[ Can you tell how proud of you she is~? ]

[He can and it makes him so happy.]

Really! I said I would support you no matter what. I thought it would be best to be prepared. We're going to make this hotel a reality. And a successful one at that.

Yeah! We absolutely are!

[ She's in a much better mood now than what she was earlier, and it likely shows in just her tone of voice alone. ]

I just... hope some of the others from home show up sometime. I miss them.

I am sure you do. Give it time. They'll come join us.

...Though if that uh radio guy doesn't I won't be sad.

So it went.

As soon as MK feels safe enough to start going out again, I'm getting as much alcohol as it takes to knock myself out.

You want to join me?

Edited 2024-07-09 21:51 (UTC)

I would be delighted to! We can clear out a few bars worth of drinks and have a fun time.

Eh, figured I'd just clean out the one and bring it home. Not feeling the going out mood.

Oooo. Okay. We clear it out and I portal us back. Sound better?

Yeah. I'll let you know when I'm ready, okay?

Of course. Call me and I'll be there in an instant.

Alright, I'm ready to load up. Are you still free?

I am indeed. Name the bar and I'll see you there.

[Wukong sends the bar name and address. Lucifer will find him already inside, just buying bottles off the shelf wholesale.

He wasn't joking about cleaning a bar out.]

[Lucifer portals in and realizes quickly the monkey's mood is soured. He doesn't joke as he joins him in gathering up the bottles. Doubles of himself join in too before he opens a portal back to Wukong's castle.]

Shall we go?

Depends, did I miss any of your favorites?

[Even if the cheerfulness is a bit forced, Wukong being glad he's here is a hundred and ten percent genuine.]

Well this one.

[Lucifer pays for this part and buys out the champagne. Then opens the portal.]

Let's go get wasted.

Heh, guess I missed that one.

[Arms loaded, he hops through the portal and vaults over the couch to set the drinks out. He's already set out glasses and has an ice chest set up.]

I've been waiting for days for this!

[Lucifer follows. His doubles set to getting the ones that need chilling in the ice chest. Lucifer sits on the couch with Wukong.]

Days huh? Oh my. I'm guessing MK is out or we wouldn't be doing this.

Yeah, the kid's finally feeling safe enough to start staying other places. He'll check in of course, especially since he can't touch anyone else.

Buuut I'm glad he's at least that okay.

[He offers a glass.]

[He takes the glass but his mind goes into a nightmare scenario. Charlie being so scared and so hurt she couldn't touch anyone? That would destroy him. And he would make whoever did that to her suffer. Things were making more sense now.]

It's good he's recovering. Especially from that. Since...touching is needed here. Like required. He has you to get it.

Let's start drinking. [He's going to open some strong booze to start and pour for them both. Then snap and summon some peaches, bread, and apples. Because they might as well eat too.]

[Wukong does notice the sudden shift in Lucifer's mood and gently nudges him with a shoulder as he fills their glasses.

Just letting him know that he's here in solidarity. It doesn't take a genius to guess what he'd been thinking of.]

To getting completely wasted, hangovers be damned?

[Lucifer looks at Wukong. He smiles and nudges back.]

Hangovers be damned straight to hell!

[He clinks glasses with Wukong and downs the booze.]

[Wukong does the same before going for another. A talk is coming, but he almost doesn't want to be aware when it does. Almost.

The sign he's ready to talk appears when he opens the peach wine he bought five bottles of and takes a swig straight from the bottle.]

Burned it down again, by the way.

[Lucifer drinks as many bottles, keeping up. He has his own bottom of champagne and drinks directly from it.]

How bad did it burn? Spill the uh...drinks or whatever the kids say.

He thinks none of before means anything. Told me I don't have to keep humoring him. I reigned in my temper, waited three whole days, took him tea brewed perfectly for his overheated ass so he'd have something soothing...fucking died for MK AND him...

[He takes another drink.]

But because I was trying to tell him that he needs to stop making the choices on his own, to stop sacrificing himself, and that now almost no one can use one of the things that works most on MK...I clearly don't care about him.

Edited 2024-07-11 04:28 (UTC)

[This explains the feelings coming off Wukong now. Very clearly.]

Your sworn nephew believes you don't care about him. That must be difficult. And...may I ask, do you think he cares about you?

I don't know. Every time I even slightly consider it, something like this happens. He made this big deal about how his ideal future includes me having a place there and being happy, but if it's this easy for him to just decide I don't...what am I supposed to think?

Hmm. The fact he wants you in his life, in his ideal future, means he cares about you. But perhaps that care, that love, is surrounded by something else that keeps it from coming out. Keeping it small. Afraid.

You know how that feels, don't you? Wanting someone to care for you but the fear of reprisal keeps it small until that fear is quelled?

I didn't used to until after Macaque...after MK...and especially after I got here.

But no matter what, it seems to be that I did it wrong. I didn't do or say the right thing. I'm the one who fucks it up every time.

Allow me to, well, play my own advocate here.

Even with your Master when you first met? He put the circlet on you. Used it to hurt you. You were charged with protecting someone you didn't know. And you protect those you care about. Yet with him, you had to protect before you cared. Was there not, even a small part of you, that was scared to open up to him when the journey started?

It wasn't something I really thought about back then. Opening up wasn't much of a thought because I just wanted to finish and get home.

So...I dunno if I can answer that honestly. Maybe after the first time he used it a bunch.

So you didn't think about it but you followed your feelings. The want to get free. Go home.

What I'm getting at is, if you could think to that. That time and those feelings. After Macaque, and Mk.

Perhaps, just maybe, Red Son feels something similar with you. Since clearly you both have the same thoughts about one another. [He drinks more champagne.]

Maybe, but it's not like it's just Red Son.

Keep going. Who else?

...how would you feel if someone was so doubtful that they had to ask if you love them. That they didn't before because they were afraid of rejection...that...they were so in that mindset they need you to spell out for them that they can come to you for support...

[He stares at the bottle in his hands.]

...and you only find out something is wrong because his other mate already knows.

I would probably feel extremely shitty and like a loser. Which is how you're feeling right now.

[Lucifer takes another long drink.]

Love...is a language with many d-dialects. Every person has their own. Some overlap. Some are alien to one another. Some display love through actions. Others, gifts. Some, physical intimacy. And some with words. Words hold as much meaning as actions for some. Sometimes more. Where the opposite can be true for others.

Words aren't always cheap. Actions can lie. If you love someone, it isn't just about speaking your own love language. It's speaking theirs. But both loves should try to teach the other their love language.

Communication is a bitch and a half, I'll tell you that right now. But it's worth all the effort and all the pain.

...I was trying both...back then. I was always watching him, seeking him out first and making sure he was okay, spending time, grooming, finding him during storms to comfort him, I told him I wanted to spend the rest of forever with him. I only marked him, he was the only one who marked me.

[He lays over the arm of the couch, back to Lucifer.]

I didn't have any doubts. I knew he loved me, even though I didn't know he was afraid to say it. But I wasn't giving him what he needed...I can't give Red Son what he needs...

And they apparently do that for each other.

Which...I guess makes sense why Macaque never trusted me. If I can't give my mate, my family, my friends...what they need. If I'm untrustworthy...it just makes sense.

...Expectations and desires have to be expressed by both parties. That is for friendship, relationships, and family all.

And fearing something does not always mean distrust in the person. It can mean a failing of self-worth too.

Wukong, it isn't all on you. And people can get some things from certain people. That doesn't diminish their relationships with the others in their lives.

I'd like to believe that. But basically everyone I know can't be wrong. That's not how that works.

[He takes a long swig.]

It...makes me feel sometimes like...I dunno...something is wrong with me. People have said they were wrong, or they took it too far, or other people can be wrong...but it just...keeps happening. So it can't be that.

Wukong. Alright. What could be wrong with you? Can you name me something specific that you feel is wrong with you?

I...wish I could write the list. I'm bad at planning, drag the people I care about into danger, I'm a terrible mentor...a terrible friend.

And I didn't even realize the people I called my friends don't trust me.

...as a start.

I trust you.

[Lucifer says softly. He takes another drink and sets his bottle aside.]

Planning isn't everyone's strong suit. That's not a flaw, it is a lack of skill. If people follow you, or danger comes for you and your friends, unless you invited it or sought it out, that isn't your fault or a flaw.

You tell me how proud you are of MK and his growth. Part of being a mentor is allowing your student to face their demons themselves. Not to face their demons for them.

As for a friend, I find you to be a good friend, Wukong. And I doubt you are a terrible friend unless you are wearing a mask when you're around me.

[Wukong doesn't interrupt Lucifer, just listening to him talk and wishing he had that conviction.]

...then why do you think most people say I'm the problem?

Remember what I said about scapegoats? When relationships suffer, when someone is hurt by someone, they want someone to blame.

They can have legitimate grievances. Pain. But it's easier to focus on the faults of the other party than look inward sometimes at what they contributed to the relationship breaking down.

In the end, what you must ask them is that same question. Is it your words, your behavior, or just all of you that is a problem? Their answer will tell you if you can salvage that relationship or not.

But if you can't communicate with one another, they may answer one way, you hear it another, then they assume something else. For difficult conversations like that, it's best to have a mediator.

Maybe...maybe you're right. With Red Son...it doesn't matter what I do if I don't give him what he needs anyway.

Mediation might...well it can't burn things any faster.

Then here is an idea. Why not ask me? I could be your mediator.

...

[Wukong is quiet for a long moment, maybe long enough to appear like he dozed off or something.]

...do you want me to ask so you can say you were asked instead of that you offered?

[He looks at Lucifer finally.]

That and if you actually want help, you should ask for it. So both.

It's a brilliant plan, isn't it?

Well...half of asking for help is conceding that you need it soooo...

[He smiles a little finally.]

Since you're open to it, would you give mediation a go?

I would be glad to. Leave it up to me, Wukong.

But putting my mediator hat on, I'd like you to think about why you think your attempts to talk to Red Son have all crashed and burned. And did you go into them hoping it would work this time or did part of you think it would just end badly from the start?

Heh...well, Mr. Mediator, past experience tells me I probably said the wrong thing or didn't react the way he was hoping. It seems to be a thing that if he doesn't get what he needs first it doesn't really matter what else I do or what I did.

And yeah, I did think they would at least go...better. Better would have been great.

[He sighs in frustration, his tail flicking in annoyance.]

But nearly every conversation seems to go back to that. What he needs and that I don't fuck it up. Or what I need to change or do better with. Except after I...died. And when he showed me his ideal future.

What was this ideal future?

It was him with his and MK and Saya's...I'll be surprised if you don't know her...but their kids. A big home, with Macaque and I there. Just everyone being a family.

Oh yes. I know Saya. Poor girl. She is...having a hard time.

That sounds sweet. Least, in some form, he does want you in his life. In his future. We just need to fix the foundation of your relationship to work toward that future.

Saya's awesome. First no strings friend I've ever made. I wish I could help her more than just keeping her company sometimes.

You're the expert here, and I've got no ideas left.

Leave it up to me.

A small piece of advice I'll give you is next time you speak with her. Do not try to comfort or soothe her guilt. Let her talk and acknowledge what she is saying. Let her just be as she is for a bit. Acknowledge the pain and turmoil.

Let her know, yes. That shit does indeed suck. I think she needs that right now.

I can try, I'm not good at that since she usually hits me with apologies for things where she did nothing wrong.

Just do your best. That's all you can do.

Well, I doubt she'll hold it against me if I mess up. So you're not wrong.

That's the spirit. And speaking of more spirits, we got more booze to drink. To us working toward a happier future!

[He picks up his bottle and holds it out for the toast.]

Yeah. To us and a happier future.

[He clinks his bottle against Lucifer's and proceeds to start drinking with the clear intent not to surface until it's empty. And from there to continue through the bottles until he literally passes out, slumping against his newest friend as he does.]

[Lucifer is petting Wukong and sighs. He looks at his friend and pulls out his phone.]

Better text Charlie. I'm not going anywhere. Man you're heavy. Stone monkey indeed.

[Here's Evangeline! And next to her is a floating skull on a cross wearing a crown of thorns, as you do.]

So, hi, this might be kind of weird but would you be willing to employ an Abnormality in your hotel?

-This is One Sin and Hundreds of Good Deeds. [The skull bobs a little in acknowledgement.] They can heal some mental damage if you confess your sins to them. Not a ton, but enough to lift some stress.

I brought them to Ellipsa a while ago, and up until now they were living with my friend Purple Mage helping them with their mental health. But Purple just went home, so I was wondering if maybe they would be able to help any at your hotel?

-They don't talk, and their mood can be a little hard to read. But they seem to like helping people?

[One Sin and Hundreds of Good Deeds bobs a little in the air again.]

Oh. Unholy hell.

THEY ARE JUST PRECIOUS! Look at them. I'm sorry but I just. Yes. Yes they can, if they want to.

I am sorry your friend has returned home though. I am sure you'll miss them. Why don't you both come over to tea? If you need to talk, I mean.

They are adorable! I'm so glad you understand that, some people have trouble seeing it for some reason.

[One Sin tilts slightly to the side.]

-I'd love to come over for tea. Purple was my best friend here, so... I'll definitely miss them a ton.

I am sorry your best friend went home. But perhaps you will see them again one day. We don't know what the multiversed future holds.

Come over whenever you'd like. And bring One Sin with you too. We'll set them up with a room. Do they require a bed? We'll get one in the room either way, but I wanted to make sure.

I don't think you can lay in a bed comfortably, can you? [One Sin shakes their head no.] That's what I figured. We'll be over in twenty minutes.

[And twenty minutes later arrives one human and one Abnormality.]

[Lucifer waits in the lobby and smiles.]

Welcome in! Hello there One Sin. May I call you One Sin? And Evangeline, always good to see you. The tea is ready. And you drink tea, One Sin?

[A bob at the first question, and a shake of the head at the second.]

I think tea would just pour out of them. -They feed on the "evil" that comes out in conversations between people, or at least that's what our studies suggest. But they appreciate the offer.

I see I see! A Sineater then. Feeding on the weight of the sins. Healing the mental damage as they feast. Oh I just love that.

Very well. Anything you need to make yourself comfortable then, One Sin. Just bob at it and I will do my best.

[He will snap and summon some chairs, a table, tea, and a lovely little double hook stand thing in case One Sin just wants to hang on it by the arms of their cross.]

[Ooh, comfortable! Evangeline pulls a chair out for herself while One Sin hangs on to the stand.]

How's the hotel going so far? The grand opening seemed like it was pretty popular.

[He smiles and sits with them, pouring the tea.]

Oh it is going well. We already have patrons. Even with that cursed card fiasco, things are going smoothly so far. We're hoping it only grows.

I'm sure it will! Especially as the first people you help out start to see results, they'll definitely be telling other people. So it'll snowball.

Precisely! We'll get the snowball rolling, as it were, and it will become a success avalanche!

You've got this for sure. -One Sin, what do you think, does this sound like something you want to be part of?

[A nod from One Sin.]

Then welcome to the team, One Sin. We're so glad to have you.

I'm sure they'll be helpful! They made working a lot easier for me back at home.

I am certain they will. And you can come visit One Sin whenever you like. As well as me, of course.

You bet I will. Gotta get a regular dose of devil hugs, they're good for the soul.

I do love how you praise me with blasphemy. Ha! Take that depression!

Blasphemous compliments are the best kind! Anyway, if I ever meet my world's God I've got a few things to say to Him about how He's running the place, so. Not a huge fan.

Oh that would be a sight! Make sure to use his name a lot. That probably will get to him when you're telling him off.

I'm not sure he exists in my world, to be honest. Although I did fight an antichrist allegory once. Did I tell you about that?

Oooo. No you didn't Tell me more.

Yeah, of course, hold on I've got a picture-

[She opens her hammerspace purse, pulls out a binder full of Abnormality pictures and management notes, and flips to a picture of a biblically accurate fetus.]

This is WhiteNight. He transforms twelve employees into His apostles and He says shit like 'I am thy Savior. Thou wilt abandon flesh and be born again, for I shall redeem you.' And then He and His apostles try to kill everyone in the facility.

Ew. That is one ugly baby.

He used to be a hot plague doctor type and then he turned into this, I don't get it.

How...disappointing.

Right! Go back to the old one!

I don't know if Jesus is real in my world, but we've got this guy killing a handful of employees every time he breaches containment while talking about redemption. Which I guess says a lot about the state of my world in general.

Hm. That does not sound like a fun time. Or a fun individual.

No matter how used I am to my coworkers dying, it's still not my idea of a great time, no.

At least here is a better place. Well, some of the time.

All of the time! -Like, okay, yeah, sometimes it's still dangerous, but people actually give a shit about me being in danger? Being safer is great, but - it's that most people care about each other that's the biggest difference from the City.

Excellent point. And I am glad to hear you found people who care because you deserve it.

You're pretty high on that list, you know.

Awww. I shall sit in such a position with honor.

It's deserved! You've been sweet to me.

[The day after the hotel opening, Frieda gathers her courage to give Lucifer a call (how she got his number is anyone's guess - perhaps she asked Charlie?). She's nervous, but if she doesn't speak with him now, it'll only get more and more awkward the more time passes!]

Mister Morningstar? This is Frieda Reiss. We spoke via video call when you announced the hotel opening, and briefly met on location. I wanted to apologise for my behaviour. I didn't mean to leave you and Barghest so abruptly, but her story was... a little much for me.

[He's also totally plastered it on the hotel signs too. And fliers around the city and segments. Or Charlie. Whatever way, Lucifer doesn't question it.]

I do apologize as well for pushing myself into the conversation. Her story was quite sad. Do you wish to talk about why it was a little much for you?

No, please don't apologise! It was nice to have you join us.

[Despite her nervousness, there's warmth in her voice - no matter how difficult the day ended up being for her, she still thinks highly of the Morningstars for both the overall hotel endeavour and for the inviting welcome they provided to their guests.

Talking about her fate back home is still nerve-wrecking, even though she already confided in Barghest about it - but surely, this conversation is subject to the Haven Hotel's confidentiality rules. She takes a deep breath.]

I'm... more or less in the same boat as her. I have a duty to destroy my own nation to prevent a repeat of the oppression my people brought upon the rest of our world for centuries. I don't feel equipped for the task because the people who live alongside me in exile haven't personally harmed anybody, but I know from fellow countrypeople here in Ellipsa that if I remain passive, war will break out in the future. I have to prevent that.

Very well. I am glad that it was welcome.

[Lucifer listens and he raises a hand to his mouth. He swallows. Oh that sounds somewhat familiar to back home.]

That...sounds like an impossible choice. Sacrifice your entire nation to stop a war? Is peace truly not an option?

Sadly I don't think so. What my people did is unforgivable. We enslaved other nations, not sparing the old or the young, forcibly assimilated them into our empire, and grew our power at their expense. The treatment of those we subjugated was barbaric; wanton cruelty became normalised over the centuries.

[She's seen truly terrible things in her ancestors' memories.]

My people are the only human race in my world with the ability to turn into flesh-eating monsters. We terrorised everybody with our titan armies, and if I don't make the first move, it will happen again.

[Granted, she can't be completely sure of that - after all, the means to turn Eldians into titans will be locked away from her successor Eren -, but she does know that he's determined to meet the outside world with violence. That alone is already a disaster, something that was never meant to happen again.]

[An empire of flesh-eating monsters. Terrorizing, killing, and enslaving countless others. Truly a force of evil in the past. There is no arguing against that. No rationale or reason can justify such acts of wanton cruelty and injustice.]

You bear the weight of centuries on your shoulders, my dear. And it sounds like you hold yourself personally accountable for the past and for the future.

Is there no way to simply remove this ability from your people? Keep them from turning into these things?

[His acknowledgement of her burden makes it feel much more real all of a sudden, and she tears up at the sympathy in his voice, just a little - he shouldn't hear it in her speech, hopefully. God, she's dumping all her huge problems on him when she just wanted to apologise for her rudeness..! She wants to bring back a tinge of light-heartedness and insist that he bill her for this unbooked therapy session - but his suggestion puts that thought on the backburner.]

Keep them from...

[She trails off. Past holder of the Founding Titan were able to use its powers to make their people immune to plagues and diseases. It absolutely is possible to alter their very biology. But to remove the titan "gene"? Is that feasible?]

I... I need to investigate that option with everything I've got at my disposal. If that were possible, it'd be our salvation.

[This is what he's trying to do for Charlie. Help people. She would just seeing someone in need. Frieda seems in need for help. Which is why he's doing this now.]

It sounds like it might be a worthy option. If we can help, do let us know. Salvation is a little beyond what we aim for but I know I'd be glad to assist in any way.

[For only - or primarily - being in it for Charlie's sake, Lucifer's doing a fantastic job!! For a moment, Frieda's mind feels like its swirling. Why did nobody think of this before?! Even King Karl, the one who made the vow she inherited after growing up with disgust for his forebears' violent rule, the one who dissolved his empire once he assumed the throne, could only think of killing them all - and, unable to enact such a deed, chose an isolated exile instead.

Is it not possible..? Maybe the Founding Titan's powers won't allow me to undo itself... but I have to try. I have to.]

I can't help but feel like someone - anyone - should have thought of that over the last century, but... I didn't, either.

[She feels so stupid right now. Were she and the rulers before her really not seeing the forest for the trees? Or was it a compulsion to not consider the option? Already, she can feel some gears in her subconscious moving, but she can't yet tell in which direction, and whether she'll find a new door opening or be thrown into a violent relapse.]

Thank you, Mister Morningstar.

[She feels too overwhelmed to put the full depth of her gratitude into words.]

It is hard to see solutions that exist outside of a box you were taught and lived in. It isn't your fault you didn't see the path. As an outsider, I don't have the enormous weigh you must be carrying on your shoulders. When you are holding the future of your people, your nation, and so many lives, how can you raise up to view all the paths before you?

You are very welcome, Ms. Frieda. I hope you are successful.

[Once again, he is so compassionate and tactful - and there's wisdom in his words, too. Are he and Charlie really demons?! How could humanity ever end up with such a bad image of their kind?]

Before I hang up - how do I compensate you? I ended up taking a lot of your time..!

Oh. Uh if you feel you must. How does five hundred Mooncoins sound? I think for the time we spent speaking, that is a fair price. If you think so.

That does sound good! Please invoice me at your convenience.

[Look at how well she upskilled herself from her horse-cart-and-candle home to digital payments!]

I wish you a nice day, and... thank you again.

[She'll certainly reach out to him or Charlie to discuss the matter further at some point, but first, she'll need time to let it settle and to actually explore her options. The power of the titans isn't an intuitive tool at the best of times, not even with the memories of her predecessors at her disposal.]

Lucifer-san, this is Korone!
I'm SO sorry I missed the workshop today!
Me and half my family got caught up in another curse thing ...
Do you mind if I teleport something onto the reception desk in your hotel lobby? Not curse-related I promise!!

Oh hello Korone.
So that was why you didn't show up.
Is everyone okay?
Sure, if you want.

I am really, REALLY sorry (┬┬﹏┬┬)
Nobody's physically hurt, fortunately, and we managed to - okay this won't make any sense without context
A few months ago, cursed object within a cursed video game tried to possess my girlfriend? It didn't take, but it left behind shrapnel and a seed that was trying to grow into another cursed game so it could spread more.
And today we got unexpectedly sucked into a thing called a heart game, aka a kind of metaphysical manifestation of her soul. Which may or may not have been her soul weaponising the curse against itself so we could fix things.

Okay, one sec!

[ Aforementioned one second later, an extremely cute duck plush with an apple-themed hat (it looks kinda like this!) appears on the desk. ]

I was gonna give him to you at the workshop.

I understood so little of all of that, yes.

[Hard to understand a Heart Game when you haven't been in one.]

It is so cute! Thank you. You didn't have to. I will put him somewhere everyone can see in the workshop.

[ Oh, she knows. Still ... she wanted to try and give some context. ]

Ahaha, that's more than fair
It's the kind of thing I've been getting dragged into for years now, so really, I should've thought to warn you in advance (´。＿。｀)
If I ever don't show up to something without a word, I promise it isn't intentional and I can almost guarantee it's because of something stupid and dramatic.

The moment I saw the pattern I thought of you
(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) I'm glad you like him!!

Well if you ever want to talk about it, we got people here who will listen.

And you made it yourself? Oh that makes it even more special.

Do you like hats?

[ ... ... ... ... ... ... ]

I have been thinking about it.

[ Thinking, and researching. ]

Yep! Although, I'm still really new to making plushies ♪(^∇^*)
Mostly I make clothes and quilts and things

⚆_⚆ Lucifer-san is planning something ??

Well it is amazing, so I am so happy to have it.

And maybe~

You'll see.

☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆ aww thank you!! I'm really really glad you like it!
oh, but that reminds me!
Did you get to meet my brother??

(°ロ°)
This may mean war, you know!

I did!

Wash and I spent the day together waiting for you. We were wondering where you were.

Be careful who you declare war with, Korone-chan.

I don't like to lose.

〒▽〒 Ahh, I'm gonna have to apologise to him as well ...
But I hope you guys had a good time! Did he like the ducks?

[ Wash had asked Korone to buy one of the ducks for him while she was on the tour (which she would have asked Lucifer about at the time), but there's a big difference between one cute duck and seeing ALL the cute ducks ]

(✿◡‿◡) I'm rolling up my sleeves as we speak

It isn't your fault. An explanation is all you need, no apology.

And he did! He even met my pet duck. They got along fabulously.

Well then. May the best one of us win.

Lucifer? [Wylan hopes he has the correct place.] You're invited to join us at the house for a birthday party this weekend. I hope you're able to make it.

I would be glad to! Who am I getting the presents for?

No presents needed. Your coming is enough.

[Spoiler, it's Wylan's birthday party.]

Oh Wylan. Presents are needed for a birthday party. Aaaand given you speaking with such authority, I take it that it is yours?

[A long pause.]

It is, yes.

Ha! I am good at this. Hmm. Oh! I know just the thing I'm going to make you. It'll be perfect.

You really don't have to make anything.

I am aware but I want to. So I'm going to.

Oh. See you at the party, then?

Oh most definitely.

What's your shirt size?

A small usually works. Ooooh look at it! It's perfect!

I know! You HAVE to have it, which is why I'm getting it for you. Enjoy~

You are too kind, Evangeline. Thank you.

Don't mention it! Spoiling my friends is fun.

I'm going to spoil you back. You realize this, right?

Wait Shit You don't have to??

I will tell you the same thing I told Korone.

You've thrown down the gauntlet.

This means war. A gifting war.

Fuck. Okay! As long as you know you're not obligated to get me anything, I guess this is fine?

[aa]

I want to. And don't worry. I won't bury you in anything.

Though I will ask, given my little restrictions for now, would you want a toy in my shape? To help hold you over?

Oh, well, if you're offering, I'd take one of your tail? I've got a pretty sizable toy collection already, but variety's always nice.

There is a shop here that does such orders. I can do that for you.

I will send it your way once I get it made~

You're the best, did you know that? Thank you.

So are you, my dear. You're welcome.

So how are things going with Macaque?

Good. Really really good. He met Charlie. Things went very well.

And she gave us permission to be intimate.

Congratulations on both counts! You two enjoy yourselves.

Oh. Oh We did~

Somehow I figured. I won't ask for specific details, but was it worth the wait?

So worth it.

And your review was echoed. Thank you again for that.

No problem! I'm always happy to put my shamelessness to good use.

Hey Lu, when you've got a minute, I was wondering if you'd be open to hearing an idea I've been sitting on. I don't really need much out of this beside your thoughts, so no rush or anything.

Hey Wu. I got a minute for my best friend whenever. You want me to come over or do you wanna come to the Hotel?

Come on over. I've got some pastries I picked up yesterday and I'll make you coffee. They had apple too.

You are too good to me. On my way.

[He'll wait about ten minutes for the coffee and just portal into the kitchen.]

[Wukong holds off on responding until Lucifer appears, setting the coffee and snacks at the table.]

Says the man who let me sob drunk in his lap and gave me a private hotel room.

Hey. You would do the same for me. Though a room in a castle, but still.

[He gives Wukong a hug.]

How are you, by the way? What is this idea?

[Wukong hugs him back, lifting him off the floor a little. Completely on purpose because he can.]

So...yeah. I was thinking about it recently annnd...I decided I need to know if Macaque ever trusted that everything I had been doing was for us. Our future together. I...need to know.

[Lucifer sighs as he's lifted and rolls his eyes. His face becomes softer as he listens.]

I think it will be a hard discussion but one I think is a good idea to have.

[Setting him down, Wukong nods and rubs the back of his neck.]

I'm not gonna go into detail, but it still kind of feels like every talk is a hard one. But since you two are an item, I'm not going to do anything that'll put you in the middle. That's why I didn't want any practice.

Besides, I think this is something I just do from the heart.

[Lucifer nods. He smiles at Wukong.]

That's very fair. I believe in you. Just speak from the heart and keep it simple. You can do this.

Hi Lucifer, it's Saya. I was wondering if you had some time. Like at the hotel. [ So definitely not a casual get together. ]

Something happened and I realized that I'm not okay, and I haven't been for a while. It's...

It's really bad and I don't know what to do.

Of course I have time for you. Send a marker thing and I'll open a portal.

I'm here for you.

Thanks.

[ A marker rather than a meeting at the hotel? All right, at least she doesn't have to leave home. ]

[ Her marker is right outside her house. In their garden, in fact. Saya has a blanket spread out and is curled up on it with her knees pulled to her chest. ]

Hi, Lucifer. [ She sounds beyond miserable. ] Thanks for coming.

[He did plan on her coming through the portal to the hotel but seeing her like that in the garden, of course he steps through first. He walks over and sits down in front of her.]

Of course. Uh. Hold on.

[He snaps his fingers and tea appears along with a giant ducky plush. Just in case she needs to hug something that isn't a person.]

Take as long as you need to speak, okay?

She doesn't need to wait long to begin speaking, since she knew all along what she was going to say.

"Yesterday, Wukong called and asked if I wanted to spend time together. I told him no." An enormous red flag that even she could see.

"And then I thought... did I tell you about my hibernation cycle?" She can't remember if they ever got into that since technically she doesn't have one anymore.

Oh that is a huge red flag. Very very red and loud.

"Um. I think so? We talked about it about how you work. How old you are and your memories right? You sleep and wake up without memories? If I remember right.

She nods. "That's right. I sleep for several decades and I wake without memories. Red Son and others fought hard for me, to stop the hibernation cycle and keep my memories. Everyone was so happy when it succeeded. I was happy."

"But when I hung up with Wukong I had this thought that I wish I could go to sleep and wake up new again. Start over."

Her eyes well up. "I don't really want that. But I can't stop thinking it."

Oh. That thought is crushingly sad. He frowns and reaches out to gently lay a hand on hers.

"Intrusive thoughts are part of depression. And it sounds like, for a while now, you've been fighting it. And having those thoughts? ...They are more normal than you might think. Surprisingly. Most people have them. A clean slate? To forget everything else, forget the bad, I understand why that would be not comforting but perhaps alluring in these darker times."

Saya nods as her eyes spill over. She's less fully crying than just shedding tears.

"A while, yes. After my hibernation cycle was stopped, everyone was on a high. Then my closest friend vanished, and two of my romantic partners. One I saw on the street not long ago... he looked right through me. He didn't remember who I was." A sick reversal of her life.

"And Red Son figured that my Chevalier might be still alive, but I can't get to him. And ever since I was told that, the walls of my memories are cracking open. I found out that I had to kill my twin sister not once, but three times, on three different worlds. All of my memories are of me hurting people. That's all I seem to do."

"And then everything with Porty happened, and MK's heart game... well, you saw everything didn't you? I messed up. I was walking through that game like an open wound because I thought keeping my walls up would hurt MK, but it made me too emotional. I destroyed that doll of Wukong and it almost led to MK being destroyed."

She shakes her head. "I feel like this is my punishment for wanting to defy fate. Like maybe I'm going bad like Porty did because I was never meant to be awake and keep my memories for this long."

It is so much. Saya is struggling with all this weight of memories, pain, trauma, and blame. He lets her tears fall.

"You've been through Hell, literally, and then some. You are feeling the full weight of memories you've never had to have before. Entire centuries of memories, seeping through the cracks. And it is the bad ones, the trauma memories, that stick to us the easiest. That embed themselves into our minds and cling to us. I don't know much about fate or destiny. I know about punishment. I don't think this is truly a punishment but it is traumatic for you."

Lucifer pauses to think for a moment. "The Heart Game, yes. I did watch with everyone else in the room. You could not have known that Wukong, even in that form, was the key to shattering MK's soul. And he recovered. I do not think you are going bad like Porty. He's a clone, a copy trying to find his way to self actualization. You are your own person. And you, for all your strength and speed and immortality, physically harm washes right off you. Mentally? Emotionally? You're heart is big, you yearn for love, to be loved, and to love others. It is part of who you are. Biology plays a role in it for you but it is also who you are as a person. Who you are now."

Lucifer swallows. "And right now, you are taking the toll of losing people you love, friends and partners, one of them without their memories of you and your love. You are incredible and anyone would hurt and break under all of this. It is okay to not be okay. And I will help you find your way through this. However long it might take. Whatever you might need. And that is something to focus on. What you need to help recover and heal."

"MK recovered... but who knows what harm I did that can't be undone? He deserves so much better than that. I went in there to help him, but I think I did more harm than good." Clearly this is eating at her.

"I'm far from the only one who lost people to the whims of the multiverse, or experienced pain like this. Normally I can brush it off, I just can't anymore. And I have no idea what to do about it. I wish I knew what could help me, but if I ask the people I love, if I tell them I'm feeling this way, isn't that just more of me hurting people? I want to stop hurting people."

"The only way to know is to talk to him. Spend time with him and see if he's changed," Lucifer said softly. "And if he had changed dramatically, Wukong would have told me. So he hasn't done any sudden 180s. And you are used to brushing it off but because you had to. Because you knew you would eventually forget. That doesn't happen anymore. It hurts more if you don't tell people. If you hide it. I'm not hurt with you talking to me like this. Am I sad for you? Of course. But it isn't painful for me unlike me discovering you were suffering in silence and felt you had no one to go to," Lucifer explained.

"If it helps, at all, you've never hurt me for as long as we've known each other. It isn't like you are telling those around you that they aren't enough. It is you telling those you care about you need them more than ever right now. Because you need us to help, in whatever way we can. Like you've been there for all of us."

"If I spend time with him, there's no way he won't notice how I'm feeling. Wukong too. I think that's why I said no to hanging out with him. If I did, then I'd have to explain all this and it'll just spread the misery around since they both feel guilty about everything with the same reliability that I do." Which is how she knows it'll be a thing.

"I'm just... so tired. I'd get like this toward the end of my waking cycle, I think. I guess that could be because I knew what was about to happen."

"Though as a counterpoint, they may surprise you. Given Wukong was in the same game and it was MK's game. They may not feel as guilty. I understand not wanting to rehash what you're feeling. But Cognitive Behavioral Therapy says spending time doing things you like, with people you like, can help with thoughts and feelings. It is something to consider, is all I am saying. And maybe you should speak with Red Son? Perhaps this might be some side effect of the treatment? Maybe it wasn't just a one time cure all?"

Lucifer has no fucking clue but like, if it worked once, maybe it needed to be redone?

"You don't think it'll make them feel bad?" She doubts it. Those two are as talented as she is at making everything their fault, especially since it was MK's heart game, which Wukong probably feels shitty about since if he hadn't died then Relius would never have gotten his hands on MK.

"I can try to talk to Red Son about another treatment. That at least can't hurt, we know it won't have bad effects on me.. Other medication has made me go berserk and hurt people, and I promised that no one would have to kill me again." She's not sure what all Lucifer knows about that, in retrospect, but it just slipped out. It doesn't seem worth trying anything else.

"I honestly don't know but I would think not in the way you might be thinking. I don't think they would blame themselves. I don't think they would turn it on themselves. Would they feel sympathy for you, their friend, who is hurting? Yes. I know they would. Because they are kind caring people with big hearts. And they have been hurt too so they ache when someone they care about hurts too," Lucifer said with confidence.

"I think that is a good idea. That way, at least, someone who understands the treatment is aware. ...And I was unaware people had to kill you before due to something like that. I understand wanting to shield others from that burden. You don't shield yourself from it. Perhaps because you know the pain of it all to well, especially right now?"

We have to menace Macaque.

I'm all ears.

We feels nervous with us together and him. So we need to be all three together and just bury him in affirmations.

I like this idea but will he? I don't want to make him more uncomfortable with the idea by springing it on him.

We can talk him into it. I'm pretty good at judging when the push is too far and sometimes he needs that little nudge out of his comfort zone.

Then I will follow your lead. I'm not the best at that. I fear I push too far when I try.

It'll be okay. If we push too far, we apologize and talk about it to figure out what went wrong. A lot of missteps can be solved by talking about it after.

True. That makes sense. I suppose I'm nervous about pushing right now. Him or you, honestly.

I am still very much in favor of menacing Macaque.

Something happen for it to be bad right now?

I feel as though I overstepped or misspoke when you two were comforting me. I suppose I'm trying to tread more carefully right now.

One, ask Macaque if you did.

Two, keep in mind Mac was also very worried if he was handling things right because actually understanding mental health is new to him. I'm pretty sure he thinks he doesn't have bad brain days, even though he's definitely had them.

I plan to ask him.

I suppose I was trying to be coy about it. Did I say or assume anything that made you uncomfortable?

Oh.

Yeah, I didn't catch that.

No, not really? I mean, I had times where I felt like I was intruding on something intimate between you and Macaque, but it wasn't a 'I feel bad' uncomfortable as a 'I definitely do not belong here in this moment and I have no way to leave without ruining it' uncomfortable. Like when you see a couple reuniting after a while and they are kissing just a little too long sort of thing. Its not bad feelings, just what do you do then.

It was helping you, so I just did my best to not be intrusive.

Oh.

Okay something kinda funny? I think it's funny? I chuckled a little.

I felt the same way when you two were bickering and so in sync at some of the points. I felt the awkwardness. I also feel like my attempts at jokes just fell as flat as I felt.

Thank you for helping me. You did help.

I think part of it was Mac was worried about you and trying real hard to not spiral at not knowing what to do. The disadvantage of a guy whose pretty good at a lot of things is it really sucks when you feel like you're floundering. But helping you was more important and I'm pretty sure he was doing plenty to help, right?

Also you were Depressed. It is a special breed of person who can be Depressed and funny, so don't be so hard on yourself.

You were pulling out of it, recovering. That's all we wanted for you.

Edited 2024-11-29 17:06 (UTC)

[Rinku sends her Yuletide gift: a seashell and... herb-growing kit?]

[How positively random and cute. In return, Rinku gets a little idol duck. It has headphones, a cute white and pink dress and tutu, and when squeezed plays music.]

[It's an 'easily excited by rubber ducks' shirt! Lucy's an easy one to shop for.]

[Lucifer LOVES it. In exchange, he gives Evangeline her own secondary rubber duck. It's part of a fair. This one looks like her with long dark hair and glasses. She can squeeze it and it will help lead her toward another duck he's made for Rinku.]

[Sister-finding duck...! She's touched, and she'll be glad to have it if something happens to Rinku. (Hopefully nothing happens to Rinku.)]

Hi, love. Do you have some time to talk? Something happened with me and I'm not taking it very well.

I always have time for you, love. I'm out shopping. Want me to come to you?

Yes, please. When you're done.

Thanks. Fair warning, I'm a bit of a mess.

It's okay to be a mess. I'll be there soon.

[It isn't long before a portal opens and Lucifer steps through. He sees Macaque and takes him in for a moment before moving quickly to his side, setting down his bags nearby.]

Do you want to tell me what happened first or do you need physical contact and quiet first?

Macaque is sitting in his nest, hunched over. He looks either as though he's been crying, or is a breath from starting to. Perhaps it's both.

"Can we do both at once?" It's a plaintive request from someone who is completely miserable.

"MK and I broke up."

Those are words Lucifer never thought he would hear. Not the asking if they can do both because of course they can. He is getting settled in the nest and wrapping his arms around Macaque when he says those five words. His eyes widen and it takes him a few seconds to respond.

"What happened?"

Macaque brings his leaden arms up to cling to Lucifer. He's projecting misery in every way.

"He told me that he's dating Wylan. A kid, and my boyfriend's kid. And I--"

"When I first met MK, he was a kid to me. It took a lot of mental work to see him as a peer instead, after I found out he was interested in me. And now, with him dating someone younger than my daughter, and the son of my significant other..."

"And I couldn't ask him to break things off with Wylan. The poor boy would be even more miserable than he already is."

He burrows against Lucifer's shoulder. "I said maybe we should think about it for a while, see what we can do, but he wanted to break things off while we try and see if there's a way around it. I think he thinks that having that conversation again would be even harder."

MK and Wylan. Learning under any other circumstances he would think it cute. Wylan could have someone happy and bright to help bring him out of the darkness he seems to settle into. But it cost this. He holds Macaque tight and runs his fingers through Macaque's hair, doing his best to listen and comfort his mate. He looks miserable, he sounds miserable, he somehow even feels small and sad in his arms.

"And now that he's dating someone you see as a child, especially Wash's son, it weakens what you did to bring MK up as a peer in your eyes." It sounds complicated and horribly painful, to lose something they both seemed to fight for for so long.

"Perhaps for him it would be? I don't know. What about you? Do you think that would be harder or easier if another solution couldn't be found?"

Macaque feels small and sad. He feels like complete hell in every way. Being in Lucifer's arms helps a little, but nothing can truly help right now.

"Yeah. I'm not sure I can do the mental gymnastics to see MK as my peer when he's with Wylan, while I see Wylan as a kid. It seems like something big would have to change in my mind, and I just don't know. It's all making my head spin, and I miss MK terribly." Even though it's only been a few hours.

"I was just saying how happy I was. It's like I cursed myself."

Macaque chokes back a light sob. He's a disaster right now. "I don't know what would be harder or easier. All I know is that everything feels impossible, and I want there to be some solution that will let MK stay my mate. But I can't see one."

Lucifer hugs Macaque tighter. He keeps petting Macaque and summons his wings to wrap him up in them. Trying to help him feel as safe as he can, though he's sure it doesn't ease the pain more than a little. Familiar aching pain that sinks into the heart and takes root there. That grows and wraps the heart up so it feels like there's no escape, no way to free yourself. That familiar aching pain.

"...It's a hard puzzle to figure out. How to accept them dating without changing how you see either of them. Are you in a place for me to help you figure it out? I'm here to try my best if you are now, or later. I'm so sorry, love. I know you didn't curse yourself. Things just seem to happen, beside everyone's best intentions."

The wings help a little, which is to say as much as anything could. Macaque keeps burrowing against his mate. He feels so empty and desolate right now.

"Yes, please. Please try to help me figure this out. I didn't want to break up, and I don't want to stay broken up. I've been wracking my brain to try and get it to let things work."

Lucifer keeps wings and arms wrapped around his mate. He starts to think on how to help with this. To help them return to one another with his intact. Ending the relationship between Mk and Wylan isn't an answer. Can't go down that route. It's how to help Macaque perhaps accept not a full change but an openness to transition?

"Kids grow up, even though for you they may seem the same. Could you see yourself acknowledging that Wylan is growing into adulthood, if possible?"

Macaque curls up on Lucifer, exhausted and distraught.

"I can... but in the same way that my children are growing up and coming into early adulthood. I associate him with my children, in that same grouping. Especially since he's between the two of them in age."

Something in Macaque's words gives Lucifer pause.

"Do you see him as a child who may become one of your own kids one day? Joining that family unit?"

"Wash and I are nowhere close to that. But... potentially, perhaps. Yes, it's something that crossed my mind now and then once Wash and I started growing closer and got together officially."

That complicates things. Very much complicates things if that is the possible future. Or inevitable, given how in sync Wash and Macaque already are and they're still exploring their relationship. Which makes this problem all the more delicate. How can he convince Macaque to not see Wylan as a child when he has thought about adopting him as another of his children? And then work to separate that from his mate, Mk, being in a relationship with that same Wylan.

Lucifer is quiet as he tries to think how to untangle this problem but he's only succeeded as making it even more tangled in his own mind.

"Did you ever think of Mk as a kid?"

Yeah, it's a pickle isn't it? Macaque hasn't been so presumptuous as to see him and Wash being a family unit, nor that Wylan would necessarily want another parent, but the thought is there all the same. The potential. A future he could maybe have wanted, until today.

"Yes. When we first met. Until a little past finding out that he was interested in me. When I learned that, I had to rework my image of him entirely."

Okay, this might be a way to help Macaque. Lucifer hopes anyway.

"Can you walk me through how you did that? If you remember?"

"I remember." It wasn't so long ago.

"He was a kid to me. A student. And then I learned that Red and he were together. Red, who is immortal like me, who is closer to my age than not. Who I see as a peer. That helped. Trying to think of MK as a legal adult according to human society helped some. And some of it was just spending time with him and considering what it might be like to be with him -- sexually, I mean. Emotionally, at the time, I was nowhere near ready. It was a slow process, and I fought myself most of the way."

So it was part thanks to Red Son, that makes sense. Also Mk's adult feelings and just spending time thinking of him that light. Lucifer will need to think how that could be used to help transfer the ideas to Wylan, if that was possible. Though since Wylan feels connected to his own kids, that might be another angle.

"Alright. And your kids. As they grow, they will always be your children but you do acknowledge they will also become adults as well, right? I ask not in a judging way but in trying to help me follow your logic to help you with unraveling all of this."

"I know that they will. They'll be amazing adults."

"But they'll still be my kids. I wouldn't date one of them, or their mate Eve."

"I mean, of course you wouldn't. I just wanted to get a feel that adulthood and seeing them as your children and your peers at the same time is the future," Lucifer clarified. He ran his fingers through Macaque's hair and kissed his forehead.

"What if say Choco-chan and Red Son became close? Can you think on that for a moment and tell me how that would also make you feel?"

"They'll be adults, but they'll still be my children. I get the peer thing, sort of, but I can't square that with the dating thing."

"You mean close as in mates?" He winces.

"I did yes, though that since tells me quite a lot. I'm guessing the same roadblock appears in your mind?"

"I wouldn't be able to stay as mates with Red and call Choco my daughter. One would have to give, and I'm never giving up my child. So."

"Of course not," Lucifer knew he could never give up Charlie as his daughter. Of course Macaque couldn't give her up. This was a very hard problem to untangle.

"I will admit, this is very much a tricky problem."

Macaque deflates somewhat. "It is. There's a reason we had to break up. I couldn't detangle it right then and there, and I don't know how long it would take me to do so. If I even could."

"Thank you, though. Thank you for trying to help. What I want is MK back, and I am trying to keep that in my mind so I don't give up."

"I'm not going to give up helping you. One way or another. I will think on this and try to see if there are any books in the library about...anything similar to this," Lucifer kisses Macaque on the forehead again.

"We'll figure out about something. I am not going to stop until you tell me to."

Macaque draws a shaky, sobbing breath and kisses Lucifer gently, chastely on the mouth. "I love you. I hope nothing ever happens where I lose you." Those awful possibilities are on his mind now, understandably.

Lucifer kisses back, chastely and soft. He presses their foreheads together.

"I love you too. Nothing is going to happen that will cause you to lose me. Absolutely nothing, love. I know that like I know the sky in Hell is red."

"A few hours ago, I knew that nothing could cause me to lose MK, but I was wrong." His voice is breaking here and there.

"I hope you're right. Please be right."

Lucifer pulled Macaque against him and laid down with him. He kept his mate surrounded by his soft wings and kissed his forehead, then around his eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise. ...It's okay to cry, love. It is okay to hope this works out and mourn what's happened."

The dissonance between how safe Lucifer's hold feels and how unsafe Macaque feels emotionally -- through no fault of Lucifer's, of course -- is so hard to reconcile.

But Macaque thinks about kissing MK, how that might have been the last time, and the tears fall.

Lucifer brushes the tears with his fingers and let's Macaque let it out. He needs to. This has to be so many emotions boiling inside him all at once. Macaque and loss are old friends and it's something he wished Macaque didn't have to feel again. He doesn't say anything. He holds his mate, brushing away the tears from his cheeks, and letting him just feel in this moment.

Macaque clings to Lucifer and tries to keep his breathing regulated even as the tears don't stop.

"I thought that if I had my temper under control, I'd be okay. But I wasn't angry. I wasn't cruel. And I lost him anyway."

Lucifer holds Macaque and rubs his back too.

"This isn't your fault, Macaque. It's unfortunate circumstances. This isn't your fault."

Macaque wants to argue with that, but he suddenly can't speak very well. So he just sheds tears for a short while.

And then: "Wukong and Red are going to hate me for abandoning him."

Lucifer shook his head. "No. No they won't. They will not hate you. They love you. They'll worry for you both. They will want to know how they can help."

"They love MK more. And I'm the one that hurt him." Macaque says this like it's indisputable fact.

Lucifer winces hearing him say those words with that tone. Like he was saying the sky is blue or gravity works.

"I can't speak for them but I don't believe that. Give them a chance to show you that isn't how they feel. Give them the chance to surprise you." Lucifer doesn't want to just tell Macaque he's wrong but make room, hopefully, in Macaque's head and heart that they love him as much as they love Mk. That they won't see it as though Macaque is in the wrong. What's happened is unfortunate but it isn't any one person's fault.

All Macaque can do is nod miserably. He'll try his best. But even the movement is sluggish, like he already knows the result.

Lucifer is just going to hold and snuggle against Macaque. His mind thinking of solutions that spare Wylan and MK as best as possible while removing this problem so Macaque can be with his mate again.

"If only someone else could sweep Wylan off his feet and be in a monogamous relationship with him. That would solve pretty much everything."

Macaque sniffles and considers that.

"I guess so. But Wylan would have to give MK up, and I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't want to be with him. He's wonderful."

"He is wonderful, but that doesn't mean someone might not be a better match for Wylan. Just thinking and hoping out loud, that's all." He pets Macaque's hair still.

"I appreciate it. A neat and clean solution would be great, if it could just fall out of the sky. Please and thank you."

Macaque is still in abject misery, but here's to hoping. "I'm sorry that I'm making finding a solution difficult. I'm not trying to."

Lucifer kisses the top of Macaque's head.

"Hey. It is a difficult problem. They have difficult solutions. There is an answer out there and someone will find it."

"I hope so." And he hopes the answer wasn't what he did, breaking it off with MK so the other two could be happy. Because he wants to dive into a tunnel and never come out...

Except that Lucifer is here with him, supporting, helping, and that keeps him out of the all-or-nothing mindset enough.

"I love you. I really can't say it enough right now. You're keeping me from having very drastic feelings."

Lucifer can see such a familiar look in Macaque's eyes. Almost the same when he's in his depressive episodes and looks in the mirror. He cups his mate's cheek and kisses his nose.

"I love you too. And you do the same for me. I'll catch you when you fall and fly you back up. Every time, love."

Hearing that almost makes Macaque start crying again, but he takes a few sharp breaths and tries not to fall into that.

"Can we just lay here for a while? Talking about anything else? It might be hard to change the subject, but I need a break. Tell me what projects you're working on."

Lucifer nods. He can do that. He can change the subject.

"Of course, love. Right now I'm preparing my next ducky workshop. We're focusing on buoyancy for the next class. Also I've been studying in the library and checking out books. Mostly on communication styles and the like. Also I've taken up knitting again. It's been a while since I did that. Just something to do with my hands when they feel restless. And been pondering reorganizing the lobby. Just for a nice change of pace."

Macaque settles against Lucifer and seems to relax somewhat as Lucifer talks.

"You have a lot of projects."

"I do like to keep busy. That and I might be going through a manic episode. But at least I can use the energy to be productive. Not sure how many seasons this one will last. And when I feel myself coming down, I'll call you. But yes. I do. Of course, I will always make time for you, my love. Just ask and I'll rearrange my entire schedule to lay here and hold you as long and as often as you need."

"I'd say hopefully it won't be that often but I do get slammed with fair regularity. Apologies."

Note to self, read up on bipolar disorder in addition to the rest.

"Thanks for being there for me. I feel the same way about--" he yawns widely "--you."

Lucifer smiles and gently grooms Macaque's hair. He hums a soft lullaby now as the snuggles with his mate.

"You're welcome and I know you do." He'll just hum softly for Macaque, trying to help soothe him to sleep.

Macaque softly purrs at the grooming. After such high emotion, he's growing exhausted very quickly.

"Wake me if he calls or texts, okay? Not that I expect it..." But you can never be too sure.

"Of course, love. I will," Lucifer said as he took Macaque's phone and made sure he could see it if it lights up. Then he went back to humming for him. Part of him hopes there is a call or text. Part of him hopes there isn't. For very different reasons each.

"Thanks," he murmurs, confident that he won't miss anything by crashing for a while.

"Love you." And with that, he lets himself rest. It's fitful, but that's the best he's got.

Hi, love. If you have some time, Choco and I could use your advice. It's a soul-related issue.

<3 Hello love of mine~

Oh? Of course. I'm free in about half an hour. Is that alright?

Hello, dear one.

Half an hour works great. We appreciate your help on this, since it's something we're trying to get resolved before Wash's heart game. You'll see when Choco explains.

Oh Shining Apple of my eye~

Of course. I am always happy to help. I'll portal over as soon as I can.

XOXOXO

If you're going to start with fruit nicknames and XOs we'll never finish this text chain.

We'll see you then.

Just something to look forward to for future text chains, my Moonlight.

[Lucifer will portal into the entry way exactly thirty minutes later and knocks. At least the security has his DNA now so it shouldn't freak out.]

I'm here~ [He doesn't yell. He knows his love will hear him walk through the portal and his voice rather easily.]

Macaque opens the door almost immediately, and leans forward to give Lucifer a lingering kiss.

"A shame we have business to attend to, isn't it? Can I get you something to drink or snack on before we get started?"

Lucifer happily returns the kiss and runs his gloved hand through Macaque's hair.

"Truly a shame but we can handle pleasure after business. Hmm. You have any apple chips? Those sound yummy right now."

There's a soft purring at the hairstroke. But business, yes, that's the point of this.

"We do. Come on, I'll text Choco to meet us in the kitchen."

He pulls out his phone and sends a quick message to his daughter:

Lucifer is here to discuss your soul issue. We're headed to the kitchen if you want to meet us there.

[ READ …

Approximately twelve seconds later: ]

o(*^▽^*)┛
I'm there!

[ wearing the cutest, coziest cable-knit turtleneck sweater in the most face-punchingly bold shade of orange she could find. and she's already raiding the cupboards for snacks. apple chips! mango chips! strawberry shortcake cookies shaped like li'l snakes! ]

- hey! Thank you for coming!

[Lucifer walks in and makes a happy little noise seeing Korone in that sweater.]

Don't you look cheek-pinching cute today, Choco-chan. Did you make that yourself? And ooooh snack. Awww. I swear, you try to spoil everyone you let come over here. And Satan be damned if you aren't great at it.

"Hey, babygirl." Macaque leans against the counter or of her way like the too cool monkey he is.

"She is very good at spoiling. Too good, considering father's day almost broke me in half."

[ SHE WAS NOT BRACED. ]

I-! T-That's-! [ Ducks halfway behind one wing, flapping a hand at them. Rapid-fire compliments will be the death of her and this time it's from two people at once. Help. ]

You're both wonderful people who deserve to be spoiled, so -

[ Shuffles. Ruffles her wings! ]

Th, thank you ...

Well if there is ANYONE who also deserves spoiling, it is our daughters. You and Charlie both deserve the world with ice cream on top.

[He is so just dad mode right now. And those cute ruffles and wings are just oh so cute. He will take some apple chips and one of those lovely snake shaped cake treats.]

Now. I was told you wanted to ask me about some rather important topics. Ready when you are, I am all ears.

[And he turns into a tiny lucifer bunny with big ears for emphasis as he bunny noms an apple chip. Twitchy nose and all.]

"I quite agree. Besides, I consider it revenge." The best, most fun kind of revenge is a spoiling war.

Macaque scoops up bunny Lucifer and starts petting him with one hand and feeding him apple chips with the other.

"Hey now, ears are my department around here. But nevertheless." He nods at Choco, they're ready when you are.

[ Did Korone just turn more red? Yes. Yes, she sure did, and she is going to hide behind her wing and flappy-hands stim about it. ]

[ Bullies. She's surrounded by bullies. She makes a very quiet grumbly flustered sound, ruffles her wings again as she unburrows, and plops down — still thoroughly pink in the cheeks, fwiw — in the super comfy kitchen island couch nook. ]

Lucifer-ojichan is an adorable menace, I see. [ GRUMBLES. Munches a cookie. And finally, ]

In the last place that kidnapped me, the soul-eating god of nature and conflict and his cultists carved a bunch of rules — objectives and taboos — into me. Positive and negative reinforcers that replenish or drain my soul respectively.

They were s'posed to have been removed before I left; everyone else's were. But, um, my soul was all kinds of swiss cheese at the time for a bunch of reasons ... that may be why they stuck around.

It's not the most ideal situation. Or, um, safe. I've found a way to cover them up, kinda like a shield or a glamour, as a stop-gap.

[ Korone takes a breath, and also another cookie. ]

I want to see if we can use the ninpo to get rid of them for good. [ She has faith in her family and the ninpo. She knows they'll find a way to make it work. But they don't have to muddle through all by themselves anymore. ] ... With adult supervision and guidance from a trusted expert, if you'd be willing-?

[Lucifer is truly a menace and a half. He giggles at the scooping, petting, and feeding. Oh he happily munches those out of Macaque's fingers. Yes, Macaque is King of ears. Doesn't mean he can't also have some ear stuff going on. Just not as good.

Though the happy sort of vibe does fade as he listens. Oh dear. That isn't good, at all. If he ever meets this god of nature and conflict, he'll punch the douchebag in the dick, once for every soul he and his shitty cultists carves rules into their very souls.

Still, getting mad isn't the point. He listens. The ninpo isn't something he understands well but he does understand souls.]

Oh. Me? You mean me. I would be more than happy to supervise. Of course. I am very honored you'd think of me. I know my method of fixing Macaque's soul wasn't something you cared much for. So it means a lot to me. Yes. I will.

"Thank you, love," Macaque says to the bunny in the crook of his arm. "We'd like to try before Wash's heart game, for perhaps obvious reasons."

Someone who wanted to be a Big Asshole who knew that those things were on her soul could do a lot of damage, and Wash would struggle with having done that.

"We'd have to explain the ninpo to you, how it works, but one benefit is that the kids will have access to my magic reserves." It's a big boon in a thing like this.

[ At this point, heartfelt conversations when one of the participants is an adorable bunny is totally normal. Korone's fluster softens into a warm, grateful smile. ] Thank you. So much. It means a lot to me. [ She chuckles, rubbing the back of her head. ] More than I know how to say, really, so … thank you.

— for what it's worth, it's not that I thought there was anything wrong with the way you helped him. [ Just! In case he was worried about that! ]

[ She nods to Macaque. ]

The ninpo is a huge pool of mystic energy connecting the Hamato clan both past and present. Like a lake — a lake with hundreds of tributaries flowing in and out, and dams operated by love, trust, and belief: "You are not alone." [ Thinking about it always punches her in the heart and she is trying super hard not to get all sappy about it right now. ] It can do … so much. Like Dad said, we can share power and energy … and then there's different levels of mindmelding: from sharing present thoughts and such to way, way beyond, like mindscapes and deeper mindscapes like heart games.

[ God, she hopes it won't take another heart game to fix this. GOD, SHE HOPES. ]

I only found out the objectives and taboos were really-for-real still active when Dad n' me used a combination of the ninpo and his magic to check on another issue. One of my objectives triggered and he was able to sense it.

I mean it sounds like you have all the tools and support you need to fix the issue. And I will supervise and offer any advice or knowledge you need. Between this Ninpo and your father's magical energies, I can't think of anything that would go wrong. Running out of energy won't be a problem.

[No doubt in Lucifer's mind anyway. Choco and her family have that way about them of finding an answer, one way or another. Especially with everything they had all been through. He's very happy to be included, if the happy little bunny tail wags are any indication.]

And it makes sense to resolve this before Wash's Heart Game. Best to remove as many bullets from his gun as possible, I believe the saying is.

"Good, then." Macaque pets the bunny in his arm gratefully and feeds him more apple chips.

"If you were going about this task yourself, how would you do it? The more direction we have, it can only be helpful."

[ Bunnicifer is too cute to be legal. ]

That's good to hear. [ Korone pulls a plush cat (charcoal gray, with one red ear, one blue ear, and adorable yellow beans and nose) out of a shadow portal to cuddle. ]

… Do you think there's any chance this — [ she uses Ringo's paw to gesture at her wings ] might cause an issue somehow? My pigeon traits originated from Imeeji, and they weren't s'posed to be permanent or anywhere near this extensive. I think they, like the objectives and taboos, stuck around because of my swiss cheese soul situation. … Ah — not that I wanna get rid of them! I wouldn't even if I could; they're too important to me.

[ Like, it's probably fine! But if there are any potential crossed wires (crossed ... swiss cheese??), she'd rather consider them early ]

[Bunnicifer is probably illegal in at least 35 states and London. Still, he is being so cute as he enjoys more pets and just noms his apple crisps. So so good.]

Hmm. Well if I was going to do it, I would focus on outlining exactly what space of your soul these taboos and objectives take up. That way you can leave the rest of the soul untouched, for the most part. Your wings and such, unless they've become tied to the objectives and taboos, shouldn't be affected thankfully. I wouldn't see them causing a problem. Especially if they've integrated as part of you while these objectives and taboos you talk about like they're outside you. Not internalized into your personhood.

I would have you try to reinforce that with thoughts and meditation. You are not the objectives and taboos and they are not you. That should help make it easier for the Ninpo to remove them. Externalize them as best you can.

Hmm.

"Choco, would Lucifer helping with guided meditation be workable for you? No actual work on your soul, just words and preparation. I think that might be the best way to get ready."

They're … [ a pause, with the thoughtful air of someone gingerly poking something strange with a stick ] … not tied to them, just affected by them? Mm.

[ Not internalised into your personhood. They're not her and she isn't them. Of course. She agrees, always has; they don't get to define who she is or what she does. ]

[ (So why did she—?) ]

[ She gives Ringo a tighter squish for four seconds. ]

It sounds like a good idea. … Yeah. I'm okay with it. We'll probably step on a few rakes along the way, but — we can deal with that. [ We as in the three of them sitting in the kitchen, or we as in them? Excellent question. ]

I would be glad to do that, yes. We can. Um. Rakes? As in...? We might hit a few issues during the guided mediation? Okay. We can have snacks and things around and a phrase or sign when we need to disconnect and stop.

Would any of them perhaps activate while trying to separate your personhood from them? I suppose we should think about that first. I don't want to activate and possibly have the opposite affect than what we're trying to accomplish.

"Possibly rakes as in she has a lot of triggers and sometimes they get grazed." He's done this with Choco, after all. "But a trusted person being willing to stop or pause can make all the difference."

He nods at Lucifer's assessment. "Better for that separation issue to happen in guided meditation than when we're trying the real thing. Workarounds are always an option if we know the pitfalls."

Rakes as in … [ She nods. A few issues is potentially an Understatement, and Papaque knows the score. ] Yeah, pretty much.

[ Her legs swing lightly, gently, beneath the table. Swing, swing. ]

I have some identity issues. [ She gives Ringo another measured squeeze—relax—squeeze—relax, centering herself, even as her gaze slides away from Macaque and Lucifer. ] … DID, essentially. And it's — [ She wiggles one wing in lieu of a handwave-y gesture. Give her a moment, she's looking for A) the right words and B) the right order to put them in. ]

Um.

[ H. Hmmm. ]

… So, um, thinking about it — I think the objectives and taboos might be mine? [ Another Ringo squish for the road! ] Or, um. 'Mine'. Inverted commas. … Like — electrical wiring, it runs through the whole house but there's a central fuse box in one room?

[ She pauses a moment, legs still swinging. ]

[ Taps her toes against the floor. Shakes her head as if to clear it, and looks back at the two of them. ]

Less personhood … more identity. [ Which in some cases is maybe probably at least slightly tied to personhood. Maybe. ] The big taboo is our original's name, and it's tied directly to Epsilon. There was a long time where I could barely think about color associations without slipping in a bad way. It's more manageable now, between the heart game, therapy, and learning to … think around things really carefully?

… All that to say — while that taboo won't actually activate, taking our time with guided meditation would be for the best. I can teach you some of the signs I use when I know I'm getting stuck. And Dad's amazing — he's really, really good at recognising what's happening and helping me out. [ Sometimes she doesn't know she's slipping or falling until it's already happened. It sucks! But her papa is wonderful and incredible and she loves him very, very much. ]

Oh. Okay. Rakes. Hmm. Alright. The taboos were external and tied to parts of identity but they are added and are tied to aspects of her identities? Yes? Is that about right as I am understanding you. Each of your identities are part of your personhood. Like the trinity.

How familiar are you with Christianity, Choco-chan? Just to make sure. But yes. I think guided medication, signs and me learning that, and us taking it nice and slow. Working at your pace, whatever that ends up being.

It won't be simple but I know we can get through it so you're primed for the Ninpo when you're all ready to try. There's too much support in his house to fail, if you ask me.

Macaque blinks a few times, going still for a second when Epsilon is mentioned. Sometimes it bothers him a little, sometimes not, but it's a minor detour. He has bigger things to focus on.

He blinks again, though for a different reason, when the trinity is mentioned. It's sure a comparison.

"We've done some explorations that went reasonably well, and Lucifer is nothing if not careful." It'll be fine.

Of course Macaque is going to be a little nervous at subjecting his precious daughter to anything that might hurt, but it's necessary.

[ She briefly catches Macaque's eye, noting that pause, but doesn't otherwise make a thing of it.

And then it's her turn to blink. ]

The — [ Trinity? What? ] … Not much. [ Sheepishly rubs the back of her head with the elbow of one wing. ] Mostly basic references picked up from Western media. Maybe bits and pieces from Imeeji's bullshit? But I don't think that counts and I'd have to dig for it anyway.

[ Sllllow kicky legs back and forth as she revisits the Identity and Personhood question. ]

The objectives and taboos make the fragmentation worse, but we're still — we're …

[ The off-white patches on her wings shift to a very specific shade of blue — the same blue as her eyes. She points to it! ] We're still blue. We, our soul, is always blue. Koronai's color is [ the feathers (and one eye) shift to teal ] and Korone is [ another shift, this time to a shade very reminiscent to ripe plums ] … but we — as a system — are fragmented aspects of one whole soul. Korone is Korone and Koronai is Koronai, but we're also each other and our original all at the same time.

[ Their eye and feathers shift fade back to their usual coloration. She gives her head another shake, blinking hard a couple of times to clear away the disorientation. ]

[Lucifer makes a little note to try and not to mention Epsilon around Macaque whenever possible. Let's not do that. He caught the strange far off glance that appeared the second the name was mentioned. Though at least Korone and the other one, Koronai, just described something that was very much the trinity.]

The Trinity is what you described. Three aspects, each whole upon themselves, and part of the whole all at the same time. With that in mind, what we'll focus on in our guided meditations, will be those objectives and taboos. Separating them from the trinity. Acknowledging and working through knowing they, in principle, are the other. They were placed upon you. A wound to heal. A plaque to remove. Making it easier for your family and this Ninpo to remove them.

Macaque continues petting bunny Lucifer as if to reassure him that all is well. Between Macaque and Korone spacing out a bit with the Epsilon namedrop and Korone dissociating and Koronai coming out, that might have been a lot. He seems to be taking it in stride, though. Good.

"Any way I can help during this process? I'm happy to stay out of it if not. Sometimes three's a crowd."

[ Blink. Blink. She blinks again, squeezing her eyes tight shut and mussing up her glasses to rub at them. The Trinity is what you described, Lucifer says, and she thinks — Korone thinks she's following. No lost time. Just that skippy missed step sensation. ]

Acknowledging and working through knowing they, in principle, are the other … [ Korone fixes her glasses, shakes her hands out, and settles back into her seat. ] That makes sense.

[ She bites back the urge to apologise, instead looking to Macaque when he asks his question. ]

Having you with me would help a lot. [ There's a small touch of sheepishness in her smile, but a whole lot of quiet affection. ] I always feel safest wherever you are.

[ The safer she feels, the easier it is to keep her balance and recover. ]

[It is a lot. Lucifer is just rolling with it. Be Not Afraid is what the angels say to humans when they reveal their true form. He will not be afraid of what Choco shows him. It's all still the kind young woman who has been through a lot, who is his friend, and who he tortures with gifts and is tortured in return.]

I agree. You being there with us is a calming safety net. If we step on too many rakes in close succession on accident, you can step in if needed. Can help if I miss a sign. And make the exercise feel safe.

Macaque gives Choco a soft smile. "Of course. I'll always be there when you need or want me." It's not a question.

"When do we want to try this?"

[ Wow, hey, put down the steel chair! ... So thinketh the pigeon who picked it up and practically handed it to him. There's a very brief, easily missed stutter in her breathing; a gap where a chirp may have been. But she smiles back at him, soft and warm like he personally hung the moon in the sky, so clearly she's not upset. ]

Right back at you. [ She's his daughter, he's her dad, she would still tie herself into some incredible pretzels in the name of supporting him. Love Papaque. ]

[ She smiles at Lucifer as well, relieved and grateful and trying very, very hard not to let Birdensome Feelings get the better of her. ]

Thank you. Again. I … [ She shakes her head, chuckling faintly. ] I know it's, all this is a lot … so — thank you. [ Which brings them on to timing. ]

Prob'ly should avoid mornings before I work ... [ and her weekly sessions with her regular therapist ] But other than that, I'm up for trying whenever you guys are.

[Get loves on you two nerds!]

How about after your work shifts on days you don't have something planned after? A few days a week maybe? To start and see how it goes.

He gives Choco a wink.

"I'll make myself available whenever the best time is. Also, do we want to let Wash know? Maybe he could help." Since he's also a source of safety and he's known her much longer.

Mm! [ excuse her while she teleports a weekly planner notepad into her hands, it is adorable and color-coded and there's so much written on it on every single day ] A lot of this stuff can be shuffled around …

[ flips to the next page (which has a lot written on it already), and then the next after that. she hums and nods to herself. ]

Looks like Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays would be easiest. [ as for Wash — ]

… I think I told Wash-nii … something about it? Back in January? [ she tilts her head, scrunching her nose in thought. ] We had cookies and cocoa and we were gonna walk and talk … [ hmnnnnnnnn. ] … ugh, I know the memory's in there somewhere. [ STUPID BRAIN.

Cheekpuff!! Deflates with an exasperated sigh. ]

Well, anyway, I'd be happy to have Wash-nii there.

Lucifer bunny sees all the writing and his nose twitches a little faster.

"Oh my. You certainly have a full schedule. Reminds me of my time back home. Back to back meetings, hearings, trials, and shows. You certainly keep busy, Choco-chan." It's impressive. Wash being there for further security makes sense. And it's for Choco so it's easy for Lucifer.

"Then let's aim for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings? Early if we can so later plans can be something planned for destressing after?"

"And yet she still finds time to spoil us all rotten."

He nods. "I can plan for those days, no problem. And I'm sure Wash can make the time." he always prioritizes Choco. As he should.

[ Rubs the back of her head, grinning bashfully … and yet somehow simultaneously unrepentantly. ]

Spoiling you guys is the best part of my day. [ Truer facts have never been spoken. ] The rest is … I'm still getting used to having so much - [ freedom, she almost says ] time; keeping active helps me relax. … As weird as that might sound.

[ She scribbles down a couple of notes, nodding along. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. Early evening. ]

Destressing after is a good idea …

[ She pauses a moment, tapping her pen to the page. Twirls it, tap tap, twirl twirl twirl. Three taps, five twirls. ]

Would it help to know in advance what the objectives and taboos are?

"Spoiling is fun indeed."

Almost to emphasis it, Lucifer bunny looks up and with a stretch, gives little rabbit kisses to Macaque's chin.

"I think it would yes. If you can talk about them without anything bad happening. Or you could write them down if that's okay? Whatever works best."

He chuckles at Lucifer. "Behave, now."

Macaque nods at the idea of explaining them or writing them down. He knows some of them but not all.

[ Averting her eyes from the bunny kisses…!! ]

I can talk about them. Some are just, um. [ … She puffs out a cheek. Sighs. ] Um … embarrassing? … And others are kind of dramatic.

[ And there's the whole vulnerability aspect of spelling out to someone all the cool fun ways they could influence and potentially hurt her, for better or for worse. Lucifer won't, he wouldn't, but a trust fall is a trust fall and this one has stakes. ]

So, the objectives …

[ A measured breath in and out. ]

Um. Compliments and praise; using magic and abilities; enacting and-or participating in violence; blood … in general, but especially if I make someone else bleed; physical contact; making promises; keeping promises; not covering up my scars … um … biting … and — [ she rubs the back of her neck ] … other people touching my neck … and a bigger one for, um … for people touching the back of my neck specifically.

[ Her heart rate kicks up a notch or six when she's talking about those last two in particular. She doesn't look especially comfortable, either, though she's doing a decent job keeping a lid on it all.

And. Hey. Hey, Macaque.

Remember the muzzle? The muzzle that fastened around her neck like a collar?

Welcome to a whole new layer of ick. ]

Edited 2025-04-17 20:15 (UTC)

Lucifer wants to say something about being the devil and behaving is not his style but he doesn't. First because it is a request from Macaque so he'll behave. Second because then Choco goes into her description and elaboration of those objectives and there is a through line to them Lucifer sees. Praise, neck touches, scruff grabbing, biting, violence, and bloodshed. It feels grotesque.

Sinners and Overlords would do things like that to each other. The cruel ones. The ones that enjoyed the suffering and subjugation of their subjects. The Hellborn weren't much better at times either with the Sins. Lucifer, once upon a time, wouldn't bat an eye at something like this. After all, he lived in Hell for so long.

Choco Korone didn't deserve that. She wasn't in hell because of her own deeds. She was dragged to these Hells for nothing more than selfish and greedy desires. He shifts out of his rabbit form and pulls himself off Macaque's lap. Not much in the mood for cute cuddles right now. He sits, crossing one leg over another, and he breathes out a little fire, his horns growing on his head.

"I have many a word for all of that but none of it directed at you. Thank you for telling me all of that. I am sure it was hard for you."

Macaque listens to her list, progressively getting angrier and angrier. Yes, he recalls the jar muzzle, and he's also thinking about bites from her datemates and that impact, and revealing her scars... how dare they.

If Choco reciting her list hadn't made Lucifer behave, Macaque's demeanor would have. Although his expression only darkens a bit, since he doesn't want Choco to think he's angry at her for whatever reason, bunny Lucifer will absolutely feel Macaque's hackles go up to near maximum before he shifts. Not the time for playful bunny kisses.

Lucifer's empathetic words drag Macaque back from the brink of needing to go to the training room and beat the fuck out of something.

"I'd like to see you free of those in general, and also some of them specifically are..." he trails off, trying to think of an adjective that doesn't make his anger show and coming up blank.

Edited 2025-04-17 20:57 (UTC)

[ Macaque and Lucifer's reactions may be tempered — for her sake? — but their anger and disgust are palpable all the same. For … her sake?

It's a lot. It's … it's a lot. Not scary, there's nothing here for her to flinch from, but there's a weight to care. There's a weight to seeing, knowing, that what she's saying — what she's been through, who she is — has meaning. With meaning comes feeling and it's —

It's always a lot, and this is more than most. ]

[ She nods. Drags her hand away from her neck and gives her plush cat a tight hug. ]

Nn. Thank you for listening. [ She just about manages to hold back the apology that tries to follow. ] … In a way, the objectives — some of them, at least — are as bad as the taboos, if not worse.

Speaking of which … um, there was … and maybe kind of still is, but as far as I can tell it's not really active anymore? a taboo against wearing scarves. And one against haircuts. Then there's, um …

Not eating for twenty four hours or more; not sleeping for forty eight hours or more; breaking a promise; anyone breaking a promise they made to me; self-sacrifice, which can but doesn't have to include mortal peril; all of my team nicknames … [ she pauses ] Lott's usual nickname for me is fine. Wash-nii's hurts, if it's in reference to me specifically.

And our birth name.

Lucifer is sure Macaque is about one bad revelation away from needing to destroy things or needing to fight a monster and kill it in a bloody fashion. He nods to Korone as she thanks them for listening. Then she continues with more. Scarves, not eating, not sleeping, breaking promises or having them broken, cutting hair and self-sacrifice. Finally, her name.

The more Lucifer hears, the worse this gets. They controlled her completely and took from Choco her birth name. It's like an unwilling soul contract. The completely domination of her person, her mind, and her soul. The terrible worlds she came from did all of this to her and for what? Entertainment? Sustenance? Shits and giggles?

"That is a lot you have had to deal with for a long time. If you do not mind me saying, it is very much long past due to remove those from you, indeed."

Lucifer isn't wrong, but Macaque calms down as he listens to his daughter talk. She dealt with these with aplomb, mostly -- shouldn't have had to, but she has -- what right does he have to get angry? And what good would it do?

He draws a breath, slow.

"I agree. It'll be much better, and much safer, without those weighing you down."

N-No, it's — um, I don't mind. [ Korone smiles briefly. It's genuine enough, though it's also something of a bandaid smoothing over that momentary stammer. ]

[ Squishing Ringo transitions to fidgeting, tracing small circles across the toy's fur with her thumbs. 3 clockwise, boop, 1 anticlockwise, 4 clockwise, 1 anticlockwise, 5 clockwise… ]

Being able to hide the list has helped? But it doesn't — it just, all it does is slow down people like Relius … [ who saw everything the moment he deigned to look at her, and used it, and please hold: there's been a minor oopsie on the Thought Process Monkey Bars. A missed ring. A fumble and a slip. She trails off, both words and fidgeting left hanging, incomplete. ]

Edited 2025-05-14 18:18 (UTC)

[Lucifer gently reaches over and squeezes Macaque's arm. Just a small confirmation he understands his feelings and is here too. Then Korone talks about Relius and trails off. Oh. Uh oh. Okay. He reaches out slowly to wave not too close to Korone's face to see if she would react.

Then he gently moves his hand to settle on the nearest hardest surface and starts to tap a steady sequence on a four beat. Tap tap, tap tap. Tap tap, tap tap.]

The arm squeeze helps a little. He reminds himself that this is done, in the past, and nothing to be angry about. The point is to get them gone.

He reaches out and stops Lucifer from waving his hand, saying "just wait" mildly enough, then stops Lucifer's finger from tapping. "The Fibonacci sequence is better." He taps the floor himself: one, one, two, three, five, eight...

[ Like Relius.

Three simple words.

Two. That's all it took. Two. One. Just one. Her name. The true name, true blue, too blue, shattering into ones and zeroes and shrieking static static static and that — that's where they're stuck. A voice that isn't their own caught strangled and silent in a throat they do not have. Lines of code. They don't. They don't breathe. Computers don't breathe. They don't feel. Can't feel. There's nothing to feel, nothing to feel with, only memories and it hurts.

Glazed blue stares past them. Through them. A minute passes. Two. Are the lights on? Is anybody home? Every breath, any breath is a thin, hitching spasm, too tight for comfort, skipping like a broken, forgotten thing. Shadows flicker. Little things, wisp-like; gentle as fallen feathers and sharp as knives, coiling close around her.

(Maybe it's a good thing Macaque stopped him?)

(one, one, two, three, five, eight)

They don't tap back.

(one, one, two, three, five, eight)
(one, one, two, three, five, eight)

Chest aches. (one, one, two, three, five, eight)

The shadows settle.

Fingers tense. (one, one, two, three, five, eight)

A faint twitch, slow as molasses. Fingers. (one, one, two, three, five) (four plus thumb) Four fingers and a thumb on a hand. Flex. Curl like they've forgotten how. Chest aches. (one, one, one, one — one, one, one one — one, two, three, four — one, two three, four) Remember to breathe. Remember how to breathe. Four count. Box breathing.

C'mon. Unstuck. Breathe. Four count. Fibonacci.

Lashes flutter. Glazed. Teal bleeding into blue one drip (one, one, two, three, five, eight) at a time. Th…ey? … They waver — too heavy, unsteady and unstable and fuzzy, listing dazedly in their … seat?

Their seat. Chair. Table. Seat on a chair at a table.

Lashes flutter. Teal eyes open, unfocused, focusing. Close again. Open. Fingers curl, uncurl, still so slow, and — still, still slowly, so slowly — they find the table-top. With their fingers. And also their forehead, a wobbling waver slumping into controlled crumple.

Tap. Tap. Tap, tap. … Tap, tap, tap … Following the sequence. The sweet, sweet Fibonacci sequence.

Chest aches. Tight. Loosening. Can't find their tongue. They definitely have one, where is it? Give them a moment.

… The shadows stir again.

But this time it's to pulse 'hiiiiii hello hi' in morse code. ]

[Lucifer stops from waving and stops tapping too. He sits there, watching the shadows, the small restrained, and shallow breathes. The lights flicker, shadows move, and nothing else happens. He waits as Macaque taps the Fibonacci sequence over and over and over. He doesn't feel confident enough to join in the tapping this time. He listens and memorizes the beat of the sequence. One, one, two, three, five, eight.

Then the shadows start to pulse. A series of shorts and longs. Morse code. Lucifer counts the pulses and translates quickly.]

hiiiiii stop. hello stop. hi stop.

Um. Hello. How are you?

Macaque watches patiently while things settle in. He's getting used to this, the wait, the change. He doesn't worry at all.

When he sees teal in those eyes, he smiles. His shadows pulse gently in response to hers, and he speaks with both them and his mouth. "Hello Tiánxīn."

[ Perception — reality — trickles through in drips and drabs. Hearing's still funky, fuzzy and throbbing, strangled out by the coil whine — no, the ringing. No chips or wires or code; they're flesh and blood and that was a panic attack. Sh…hhhhhey? they, yes, they shake their head a little without lifting it. Draws in a deeper breath, coaxing and soothing their tight throat and burning chest, You know how to do this. You can do it.

It takes a hot minute. … Another hot minute, on top of however long it's already been. Oh well. There's no rushing soup. Papa is right there and Lucifer is safe; they don't have to try to rush.

They rediscover their fingers. Tap, wiggle, flex. Their hands. Tap, wiggle, flex. Leverage themself up slowly, gingerly, a little at a time, inch by inch, from total face-on-table faceplant to face-on-arms, up up up until they're mostly sitting upish. They're still all droopy and visibly out of step of step with the body they're working to settle into, blinking and squinting like a sleep-drunk owl. (It probably does not help that their glasses are lopsided.) ]

Whh. [ Blink. Blink. ] Wh. [ Phbbbt. C'mon, words. They shake their head again, and as they do so blue — the same shade as Korone's eyes — bleeds across their hair from root to tip. ]

We - [ yes!! ] 'rrr, we're - [ YEAAAAH ] here. N'thoup — no, s'soupy, we're here n' soupy. Heylo, Papa, Luci-oji …

[ Their shadow waves brightly! Cheerfully! Hello!! ]

[Lucifer watches the way Choco's body moves as if it's re-learning how. Or rather, the one inside is learning how. Or is remembering. Or something to that affect. Still, he watches through all of the hot minutes as he tries to fully grasp what he's seeing. Finally there are words and he's called uncle or middle-aged. Both draw emotions out of Lucifer he will process later.]

Hello there. Are you alright there? Do you need or want anything? Water? Food? A bean bag chair?

Macaque just smiles as Koronai situates themselves.

"Lucifer, this is Koronai. They help run the system in heart games and things like that, and they're wonderful."

He turns toward Koronai. "I'm here when and if you're ready for touch." They could leap into his arms and that would be fine. In the meantime, his shadow reaches for theirs and holds its hand out if they want to take it.

[ Unlike Korone, who tends to be easily embarrassed by compliments and shy of chirping around others, Koronai reacts with a beaming, albeit still woozy, smile and an adorable burbly chirruping sound. Why yes, they are wonderful, thank you for noticing! ]

[ They slowly, clumsily wiggle and flex their fingers, hands, wrists and elbows and shoulders, toes and ankles and wings. There's so much to having a body, gosh. It possibly says something that they haven't even tried to fix their glasses yet, and their words drip more than flow. ]

We're — hm, limbs … corporeality oopsie … Koronai's okay. Wants scooping and squishing flat? Pancake? Compressed into a zip file? Please. [ Their shadow reaches for Macaque, making the quintessential 'child wants uppies' gesture. Leaping will commence when they feel less like so much wet cement. ]

"Oh! Hello there, Koronai-chan. It is wonderful to meet you face to face," Lucifer smiles wide and watches the adorable motion for uppies and the way she speaks. Running the heart games is quite the feat and Lucifer makes a note to not underestimate this side. To do that must take exceptional skill and talent.

"I do love pancakes, personally. Though feeling like one has to be odd. I hope it is at least a warm pancake."

"It's all right, Tiánxīn. Take your time. We're not going anywhere." Lucifer probably notes that Macaque has a different nickname for Koronai altogether. A gift he gave them.

He reaches over and gathers Koronai into his arms and squeezes them good and hard. "I'm sure Lucifer could help with the squish if you want." Maybe compression from both sides will help. Like a weighted blanket of people who love them.

Edited 2025-06-11 19:18 (UTC)

[ The moment they're in Macaque's arms they heave the most satisfied little sigh, somehow reminiscent of a pillow being squished. ]

Luci-oji is won'e'ful an' so's meeting. [ Tucking in under Macaque's chin —

Oh? Oh??

More squish for Koronai?

More squish and cuddles with Lucifer?

They tilt their head to peek at the aforementioned, their eyes turning Big and Roumd. ]

[ Chirp! Chirp chirp chirp chirp! It's a blend of all three 'languages' — avian, turtle, and monkey — so Macaque may need to translate. The gist is 'enthusiastic yes get in here join the squish pile pancake stack' ]

Luci-oji, are you busy?

Choco-chan, no at the moment. What can I do for you?

Yay! (*≧ω≦*)
A while back I spent a wishing star on a set of magical tools from the Temple
they're called empathy rods
and I was thinking, maybe they could help some of your clients!

Oh that would definitely come in handy. Especially for mediations and people having a hard time verbalizing feelings.

I would love to use them. Do you want something in return?

Yeah, that's what I was thinking!
And!
Because the connection only lasts for as long as both people are still holding the rod, it can feel a lot safer.
AND and, they're ridiculously difficult to damage; I tested one with power tools, dad, and lava (^▽^)
No real risk of them breaking and hurting someone.

Knowing they'll be in good hands, being used to HELP people, is more than enough for me
Please consider them a gift

These sound very nice to use. I already know a pair I want to use them on. No hitting each other with them will be the rule, of course. Sturdy things.

Awww. Thank you. I will do so then. Insert compliment here.

[ insert compliment here slfjlsjfs lucifer please ]

has anyone ever told you that you're super sweet and cool and amazing?
and cute!
because you are (✿◡‿◡)

luckily the rods are only 30cm long
which isn't NOT long enough to smack people with, of course. where there's a will there's always a way. but it is less likely to activate the bonk instinct.

p.s. let me know if you need something to facilitate memory sharing at any point!

I accept all those kind words though they are not often the ones I hear. Well, the last one anyway.

True. I will make sure it is known no bonking allowed.

I will keep that in mind. Is that another object you got lying around?

well THAT'S gonna have to change
because you're super cute
and someone i'm really happy to have in my life
just so you know ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭♡

in a locked safe, but otherwise yep!
they're called memory marbles
unlike a lot of the stuff here, where you get an outside perspective of a memory, or you see and hear it from one person's point of view
with these you get that person's thoughts, feelings, the sensations they were experiencing, everything

if that sounds like a lot it's because it is
it's A LOT
(luckily it seems like there's a buffer built in? it's immersive but the memory doesn't imprint as yours in the long term)
but in a pinch it can be really helpful

Very well. I guess I'll have to get used to it. Woe is me.

Those do sound handy and rather intense. But it could help get through to someone and break barriers of one person assuming they know the thoughts and feelings of another instead of listening to them and believing what they say their thoughts and feelings were.

I'll keep those little marbles in mind, definitely.

nefarious cackle •̀⩊•́

exactly.
i wouldn't recommend them or the rods as a first option for obvious reasons
but! there are use cases, like the one you suggested
they're an objective(-ish) snapshot into another person's subjective world; that's harder to argue with or dismiss than words alone.

and sometimes
SOMETIMES
they can be helpful when you really just can't describe or explain something in enough detail verbally. dad and red son and i used them as a diagnostic tool for a magic problem i had once

anyway!
if these things can make a positive difference in at least one person's life, they're worth sharing
( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )
thank you, you're the BEST

(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) *tea kettle noises*

I will have my vengeance. I swear it upon my throne! ヾ(。◣∀◢。)ﾉ

I think that is the way I will go. Rods first, marbles if those fail. Thank you again for lending me these things, Choco.

Insert more compliments here.

+｡:.ﾟTHANKヽ(*´∀)ﾉﾟYOU.:｡+ﾟ

Lucy? How are you holding up?

[She doesn't expect him to be doing great, considering. But she has to start somewhere.]

I've been better. Of course. ...And you?

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