dadbeatdad | Seasons - Lucifer's Voicemail

Why hello there. You've reached Lucifer Morningstar. Sorry I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message after the tone and I might get back to you. Make it good~ Byyyyyyye~

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From:

dadbeatdad

I think stating you're a fuck up is a little extreme, Wukong. Take a breath and let's go through them one at a time. Yes?

MK. He has confidence issues and you have never had them before. You knew who you were the moment you hatched from the stone, yes? Where do you think this comes from for him? If he is comparing himself to you, those are massive footprints to fill. And he has not had as much time as you to build his name for himself.

Let's start there.

From:

retirementsnotsopeachy

There's that, yeah. But he also blames himself for everything that's gone wrong, even though no one else does...except the people trying to get into his head. And then there's the whole "surprise, he's been a stone monkey this whole time" and being scared to harness his monkey form.

And I just...can't identify with that enough to help. Besides when it's just us.

From:

dadbeatdad

Hmm. So he blames himself for things going wrong. Then there is that whole other issue of surprise, you're not human! Okay.

You do not have to identify with his problems to help, Wukong. Trust me on that. I know that from watching Charlie. You can still help despite not fully knowing or feeling what someone else is going through.

Perhaps those two things are related. A lack of self identity could be what causes him to blame himself. He's trying to find who he is. And, unfortunately, many of us tend to lean toward blaming ourselves and labeling ourselves as the monster or the problem. Especially when there are others who, despite not having our best intentions in mind, reinforce that view. Trust me. I know the feeling.

Perhaps instead of trying to counter it, something you can do is acknowledge it a little more. Tell him you see him. Yes, he's messed up. Yes, he's caused problems. But no one holds him solely responsible. And he can accept that but also be kinder to himself about it because everyone makes messes and mistakes. Look at the pig in your journey. He caused SOOOOOOO so so so many problems, didn't he? Even Macaque did for you.

Heaven, spirits, demons, and even yourself. And the monk. Especially the monk.

But you remember most of them fondly. Why? It worked out. You could move forward. Even when things were really really bad. And even now, you have messes you feel you need to clean up. Like with Macaque, don't you?

From:

retirementsnotsopeachy

I've been trying to teach MK that things will work out if he leaves him better than how they were broken, but I can't...acknowledge the things he didn't do like he has something to improve on there.

[He finishes half the tea.]

And Macaque...was my fault, I guess. Yeah, he caused me trouble...but that was because of me, and I know I still have things to answer for.

From:

dadbeatdad

When I say acknowledge I mean say you hear him when he says it. That he feels that way. Not that it's true.

Because he is feeling like that. And not everything can be fixed so easily or even at all. But learning from it, trying to understand it, and working to make sure it doesn't repeat is just as productive.

Macaque and you both made choices. I don't know everything but you both did. And those choices had consequences for you both. Choices and feelings abound. It is complicated. Very complicated, clearly. Love always is.

From:

retirementsnotsopeachy

I could try that. It can't hurt more than he already is.

We both did yeah. Long story short is I wanted to secure things so we would have forever together. I was gone a bit. A lot, but I always sought him out first when I came home. I was always watching him, checking in, trying to show that he was cared for and valued. He was the only person I ever marked or let mark me, even when we were fooling around with the brotherhood...and why wouldn't I? He was always amazing and adorably attractive. Perfect and wholly worth achieving forever for.

[He smiles wistfully before sobering again, clearly still completely smitten]

Then when I was sealed under the mountain...I blew up at him because I was hurt and angry about everything. He blew up back about me always chasing power. Told me to my face that I was just doing it for myself, that I'd dragged everyone into my mess, that it was my own fault I was sealed away because I didn't listen to him. Which...maybe he was right. If I had backed down, then there would have been no one to inspire the brotherhood to action. At the very least, my brother Azure wouldn't have been inspired without me. And he left...never came back. Just close. That's where it started and everything else...just spiraled from there.

The after isn't where the problem is though, the journey to the west, those fights. We've resolved that. I think. We've talked and decided to move past that.

From:

dadbeatdad

That kind of love is powerful. But I also know, from experience, how much it hurts when it feels like it's lost. Even for a little while.

But let's focus on MK still for just a moment longer. Then we can come back to Macaque.

You have something to try. Once you tell him you are acknowledge what he feels, try to ask him why. Ask him questions. See what he says. Walk him through it. You're going to be better at this than you think. Why? Because you care. Just help to make him feel heard. And ask him to think through it. Why is it his fault? Is it only his fault? Is there really blame to give? Where can most of the responsibility or blame be placed and why?

People change because they want to and someone supports them to do it. Someone says I know you want to be better, and I'm here to help you do just that.

From:

retirementsnotsopeachy

You do a good job of making it sound simple and obvious. And you're not wrong. Plus we agreed he'll be staying here for a while so he can feel safe and recover, so maybe there will be time for it.

From:

dadbeatdad

It is a little easier when you're on the outside looking in, I will admit.

Now for the...tougher subject.

Red Son.

Let's start with you just venting everything you are angry about. Go on. I'm listening.

From:

retirementsnotsopeachy

Red Son.

It's a lot. Red Son is a lot like his father, proud, stubborn, and so certain of how things should have been that getting through to him could probably kill most mortals from the effort alone. It makes talking with him, working with him, being there for him hard. And I know it's because of my history with him, and the fact that he was separated from his father so young with no outside help.

But the thing that is making me angry is that he outwardly blames everyone else and everything else for the trauma he's suffering, while claiming he understands that he and his family are villains. He takes no time to consider how their actions, or even specifically his, affect people and never stops to think when he should...but basically demands that people are understanding of how he was hurt while he's dismissing everything else. He wanted me to acknowledge his pain and gave no attempt to meet me halfway in anything until he got his apology...but the last time pain like this was caused because of his trauma and insecurities he couldn't even concede that he should have talked to MK first.

I'm angry that he put me through so much grief about how I should talk more, dismissing everything I did and my attempts to show I care and that I understood and saw him, because it wasn't the exact way he needed it to be...but then he hurt MK. And now he's hurt MK again even worse than before, and I know enough to know it was because of the collar and that trauma...but I don't really care because I'm so mad right now. I want to care, but I'm also sick of caring when he has to act like his lack of empathy and his personal issues are pretty much the whole world's fault and no one else's.

And I'm angry because I want to be past the anger and the resentment and the frustration. I want to be available for him because he is my nephew and I care even if he swore up and down that I only thought I cared for him straight until I moved out. Even if him convincing his family not to do the thing that got his father sealed away and traumatized him was apparently dependent on my not fucking up with them even though I've left them alone since they freed DBK and immediately leveled a city full of innocent mortals and past that. And even though he ignored my advice when he asked for my help with MK's weremonkey stuff.

All of that's why I'm regretting not being able to just snap him in two even though I'd regret it.

From:

dadbeatdad

[There is a lot there. A lot. Lucifer gently turns his ring around on his finger. He nods finally at the end.]

To start, you care for Red Son. When the people we care about hurt us and hurt the other people we care about, it hits us the hardest. It is a deep betrayal. I understand why you are so angry. Yet you know yourself and MK and Red Son enough to know if you did that, you would be delivering the same hurt onto MK and Red Son right now.

Though, Red Son's pain is also valid. Children whose parents are distance and gone react in one of two ways. The parent becomes someone they avoid, they feel alienated from, and even if they want to connect, they are scared or angered because they don't want to reach out.

Or the children yearn so deeply for their parent they do the opposite. They do anything for approval, recognition, and attention. They will forgive any sin. Red Son seems to be on that path. He yearned for his father's presence and approval once more so much, he forgave anything he's done. Which means all of that anger and pain has to be directed somewhere.

It isn't fair you were the target because you sealed him away. Because some of that should be at his father for doing something he should have known better than to do. He got away unscathed for the most part from your war on heaven. Yet he then decided to wage war against humanity and didn't think he would face consequences? That was a foolish decision on his part. He should have known better. He has no excuse not to. Yet Red Son, in his yearning, dismissed that idea likely long ago.

It most likely doesn't help that Princess Iron Fan never allowed him to consider that point of view on top of everything else. Her anger at you was also inherited by Red Son, being raised and around her and her loss, pain, and anger.

I have a question about Red Son. Do you want his forgiveness or his understanding more?

From:

retirementsnotsopeachy

I'd rather his understanding. But he apparently needed to forgive me to get anywhere. So does that really even matter?

From:

dadbeatdad

I would press him on that. Understanding likely should come first in order to forgive. Shouldn't it?

From:

retirementsnotsopeachy

I mean, I would have thought that.

From:

dadbeatdad

Perhaps you could bring that up when you do speak with him. But that will be after we talk about some more things.

So you have that. Understanding can come before forgiveness. May need to, between you both.

Now. Red Son, as I said, seems to see his father in a light of admiration. Trying to discuss the finer points of that won't do you much good. That's something Red Son has to decide to tackle and think about. It isn't for you nor is it your responsibility to handle that or help him handle that.

What you can focus on is him, you, and MK. You're hurting, MK is hurting, and I am sure Red Son is hurting. So let's start with what you would want to say to him. Pretend I'm Red Son.

From:

retirementsnotsopeachy

[Wukong has to think about that for a good minute, nursing his tea before leatting out a sigh.]

I want to know what was going through your head. When you told him to take it off, and MK's response was to set himself on fire in order to strangle himself to snap it...why didn't you stop him? Think of some other way to remove the collar if it was that dangerous to him?

Let's start there.

From:

dadbeatdad

And what if Red Son doesn't have an answer? I think it is a good question to start with.

But what if the answer is he doesn't know? Would that anger you?

From:

retirementsnotsopeachy

No. I'd rather if he could just say that.

From:

dadbeatdad

If he could? So you think he'll say something else?

From:

retirementsnotsopeachy

We don't have a great track record of him being able to honestly admit that kind of stuff when one or both of us is upset. Because of the obvious.

It didn't matter if it was something as minor as him actually wanting to get me a housewarming gift or the reason he offered for me to move in with him when I first got here. And when it was the whole hurting MK the first time it was just apparently easier to think of reasons he didn't need to think he should have talked to MK before things went how they did...because it was me and I was a source of pain. Which he did when it came to trying to empathize with him and to get him to at least acknowledge the deeper reasons for the lack of support the world gave him when it came to DBK.

Which I get, even though I don't hold those kinds of grudges. But it's frustrating because it's not about us, it's about them. And it feels like it happens any time I press him to think about the reasons behind what he's doing.

From:

dadbeatdad

Alright. So it sounds like his distrust of you makes it hard to communicate. Not surprising. But especially when it comes to other people. Hmmm.

Something to try is remind him the conversation at hand isn't about you and him. It's about him and MK. And you, Mk's mentor and mate, and him, his other mate, need to talk about this. And that you need him to be honest with you for Mk's safe. He doesn't have to trust you or forgive you but Mk deserves it. Because you both can't help him if you aren't honest with one another.

From:

retirementsnotsopeachy

That could help actually. Possibly.

[Finally, he sits down next to Lucifer with a loud, somewhat overdramatic sigh.]

Where were you in the fall?

From:

dadbeatdad

In Hell, kicking the crap out of my ex-wife's ex-husband. It was fun.

Oh! Speaking of. If it comes to it, and I don't recommend it, but if for some reasons hands to get thrown or he does some big dramatic like punish me thing? Just out your hand on his shoulder and go;

'No. How does mercy taste, you little bitch?' It's gold. And it feels great. So if you gotta, use it.

From:

retirementsnotsopeachy

[That handily derails the sour mood noticeably. Wukong just gapes at him for a moment before he bursts into laughter.]

You seriously did that?!

From:

dadbeatdad

Fuck yes I did! I told him I fucked both his ex-wives, kicked his ass with my daughter, and then didn't kill him. Charlie stopped me. Then I delivered that line and it felt so good.

Then a janitor stabbed him. Hilarious!