Seasons - Lucifer's Voicemail

[dadbeatdad]

Why hello there. You've reached Lucifer Morningstar. Sorry I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message after the tone and I might get back to you. Make it good~ Byyyyyyye~

Comments

Re: late August

[castaside]

"I forgot everything. Back to the time when I wanted to kill Wukong. And all I knew was that someone was using shadow magic. My shadow magic. So I hunted her. I tried to kill her. The more magic I used, the worse it got."

Re: late August

[dadbeatdad]

"You tried so you did not succeed? What stopped you?"

Re: late August

[castaside]

"I chose not to. I wanted answers as to how she knew my magic and how to evade me. She told me to use telepathy to delve into her memories. So I pushed my way in. I didn't remember her so I wasn't delicate about it, and now knowing that's her worst fear..."

He has to draw another shaky breath. "So I told her that I didn't know what was going on, but I wasn't her father. You should have heard the way she sobbed."

Re: late August

[dadbeatdad]

Lucifer keeps gently feeling Macaque's soul as he tells the story. Another him appears to pet Macaque's hair and kiss his temple.

"I am sure she was quite hurt hearing you say that. Allow me a quick question, my love. When you arrived. Your memories that you had of your world. Where they the same in the dream? Or were more memories erased in the dream? Or less? As a comparison."

Re: late August

[castaside]

"It's worse than that. Her biological father told her the same thing once. So it was having all her fears of rejection realized."

He blinks, almost as if coming out of a dream all over again. "At first I had all my memories from this place. It was as thought we'd been plucked out of here and taken there. Until the game started and my soul was too shredded to remember."

Re: late August

[dadbeatdad]

"I will remember that and punch the man in the dick should we meet," Lucifer says. Then he focuses on the question and the soul in his hands.

"And once you shredded your memories and regressed. Which version of your past were you at? You saying it was when you hated Wukong, that has a spectrum of time to it. Does it not?"

Re: late August

[castaside]

"You'll have to get in line." Macaque has first dibs to punch that man in the fucking face. Maybe along with Wash. But there's no heat in the statement, it's bland. A calm fact.

"It was after I met MK. After the Lady Bone Demon." Has he ever told Lucifer about her? Well, it doesn't matter.

Re: late August

[dadbeatdad]

"I will gladly wait in line," Lucifer confirms. The damage to the soul continues but he hasn't found any taboos etched into it. So far, he will take that if it continues.

"I don't think you've told me about her from your perspective. Wukong has mentioned her. So. That past version of yourself could have killed her, but didn't. You hurt her, yes. But you were no longer the man who is her father now. I'm sure Choco understands that after the pain cools. And you were not gentle looking through her mind."

"Once you learned how she had the powers, what happened next?"

Re: late August

[castaside]

The objectives and taboos are in there, but they may take a little time to find. His aren't as prominent as his daughter's.

"What does it matter what I knew? I forgot my child and then tried to harm her. I did harm her emotionally, in a way that I'm not sure I wanted her to forgive. How would you cope with that?" Not well, he can imagine.

"We kept jumping from memory to memory. Things I can't tell you about since they're her stories. Then some of my own. And then one scene from my future, that I didn't recall before the dream but I do now. The time where MK sacrificed himself."

Re: late August

[dadbeatdad]

Lucifer keeps feeling every link until he feels them. He doesn't need to look. He knows it from just the feeling of them etched into his very soul.

"Fuck."

"I would not cope with it well and I am not saying it in an attempt to wash away the pain or guilt you feel. But as a reminder that you choose to forgive yourself or not. But it is her choice to forgive you. Not yours."

"I would not want you to tell me her stories and her secrets. That last one. Sounds as though the memories were all painful and difficult, weren't they?"

Re: late August

[castaside]

"...They're there, aren't they?" He sighs.

"I'm not going to push her away as long as she doesn't want that. I couldn't bear to. Doesn't mean I feel like I deserve it."

A nod. "They chose our worst memories, both of us. My fight with Wukong. The day Flowerfruit Mountain burned. Things like that."

Re: late August

[dadbeatdad]

"They are, love." Lucifer tries to feel them and test how strong they are, how embedded they remain.

"Of course not. I am certain so many of us, of not everyone, feels as though we do not deserve forgiveness. At times or at all."

"And this new memory. One from your future, that has yet to happen for you. How are you after seeing that on top of those other painful past memories?"

Re: late August

[castaside]

"Figures." His luck just gets better and better. "Can you get rid of them?" They're not deeply embedded so it's possible, though it will take some work.

"I don't care about how I am. I care about how she is."

Re: late August

[dadbeatdad]

"It will take some time. I can't just file them out. Your soul has suffered damage, love. I do not wish to damage it further," He hates saying it but it is true. Still, he can work on it whenever they are just together.

"...I care how you are. Do you want me to call her and check on her for your mind?"

Re: late August

[castaside]

"As long as they're there I can't use shadow magic. At least not without risking another death hangover. You can't let them take that away from me." Not being able to talk to his shadows... he'd rather die. He won't, of course, but he'd want to.

"The more people who will check on her the better. She may not be willing to talk much."

Re: late August

[dadbeatdad]

"Alright. Stay with me tonight in the hotel. I will see what I can do." He will simply stay up all night working on this. Several nights if he needs to.

"I will reach out and check," Lucifer pulls out his phone and sends a quick text.

"Then what happened after the forced memory exploration?"

Re: late August

[castaside]

"I'd stay with you anyway. I don't want to be alone. And I have to figure out how to tell the others." Nobody is going to like any of this.

"She's still asleep. She was in her summer molt when this started and I don't think she has much energy."

"After... the usual torture games. I had my arm amputated and she was forced to sew it back on. Things like that."

Re: late August

[dadbeatdad]

Lucifer kisses Macaque's forehead and keeps working on those etching into his love's soul.

"Well, she will know you're with me when she awakens. Would you like me to ask the others to watch over her to start? I am sure they already are. ...That sounds horrific. How did the dream end?"

Re: late August

[castaside]

Macaque appreciates the affection. It can only do so much right now, but it does help a little.

"I'll probably go back to her when I hear her nearing wakefulness. She was pretty set on my not leaving her during the brief time when she woke between the worst dream ever and her normal sleep."

"The end of the dream is the one part that's too disorienting to remember properly. One moment we were there dealing with that damned place and the next I was awake here and fearing the worst. All I could think of was getting to her, and so my memory of the last bit of the dream is foggy." He had other priorities.

Re: late August

[dadbeatdad]

"Of course it was," That makes sense. Lucifer knows that would be his own focus in such a thing. He uses his magic to teleport them into his room, on his bed, still with Macaque on his lap.

"You've suffered so. You both have. I am so sorry, love."

Re: late August

[castaside]

Macaque tries not to cry all over again at the familiar surroundings. Lush, comfortable, and with his mate. (He does succeed at keeping his tears in check, but only just. Being powerless and hurting his child was not a good experience for him.)

"It's--" Well, not okay, but. "It is what it is. At least when they speak of the death game worlds where they were tortured I'll be more able to sympathize. Choco and Donnie and Wash."

Re: late August

[dadbeatdad]

More gentle kisses to the back of Macaque's head as the other Lucifer kisses his cheeks, kissing away the tears.

"Do you want anything to drink? Or even eat, love?" Lucifer figures he should ask about those needs. Sleep likely won't come for some time.

Re: late August

[castaside]

"Fruit, please. Or anything fresh." Food there was... not fresh and mostly not fruit.

Re: late August

[dadbeatdad]

Lucifer sends his double to go fetch some fresh fruit from the kitchen.

"Okay. Fruit juice and fresh fruit coming up. Is there anything else you want to tell me? Anything at all. Or talk about. ...I know we won't fix or mend anything, really. I am here to listen and help in any way I can, small or not. Like you were for me, when my heart was freezing. Or I was too depressed to get out of bed. Or when Charlie...you get the idea."

Re: late August

[castaside]

"I'll probably want to talk more later. Right now I just want to rest and eat something that's not random detritus. Or what tastes like it. Qhyone was not terribly hospitable.

"--And I'll probably need understanding about not surprising me for the next few months at least. I may be jumpy."