dadbeatdad | Seasons - Lucifer's Voicemail

Something terrible must have happened if you're saying that. And I'm guessing it wasn't to you.

MK?

[It isn't a hard guess but he still wants to check.]

MK. He was pulled into another virtual thing, and he died out of my reach...at the hands of his mate.

[He growls with the last word, his tail lashing.]

I find out because MK portals into my nest last night, with a scream that sounds like someone fed his soul into a paper shredder before bursting into broken tears. And all I want to do right now is to go pound Red Son into a fine paste since the last time something like this happened talking did SO MUCH GOOD.

[He takes a long drink through his straw.]

[It takes Lucifer a moment to process that very abridged version of what must have happened. Still, his mate killed him?]

I...that's awful. That would earn Red Son a spot in hell guaranteed. Maybe it has. Okay. So he dies but then came back and found you.

And he's upstairs right now. Which explains why you don't want to leave. Is there more to this? Was he forced to by this virtual thing? And you said last time something like this happened. Did Red Son try to kill him before?

Red Son's childhood was preying on the empathy of humans to lure and eat them, so I'm pretty sure the spot would be there if we were from the same world.

[The question gives him enough pause to actually breathe before he explains in more details. Probably a good thing.]

According to MK, he found the collar that used to belong to Red Son while none of them had memories and put it on for some reason. But when Red Son got his memories back he ordered MK to take it off, so he had to. I won't go into how he was trying, because that was bad enough that Red Son should have taken that back...but instead he apparently decided to help MK along with a SAW INSTEAD. And MK felt like he had to apologize to me for dying and breaking his promise to always be here.

[He's not yelling, but the force behind his words might as well have the same impact.]

And no, he didn't try to kill him before. Last time he broke MK, it was because he gave a courting gift to Saya...who is wonderful by the way, without clearing the air with MK first... [A pause.] This was before they started dating by the way. And then Red Son decided to manipulate MK's feelings for him while MK was cursed to be a weremonkey during the full moon...because it was just instincts and Red Son was the only viable partner material for those new instincts. MK realized he was lying and flew into a rage. Probably would have killed Red Son if Saya hadn't stepped in long enough for me to get there and figure out what was up. And after that my next two nights were comforting a broken MK who thought he'd never have anyone.

So yeah, long story short, this is the second time that Red Son and his issues have caused serious harm to MK, and it's also the second time that one of his partners has felt like they needed to apologize to me for things they didn't do. And I should talk to him about it, but if I do right now I know I'll say or do something I can't take back.

[See why he reached out before trying to address this himself.]

Edited 2024-06-21 16:03 (UTC)

[Lucifer sips his coffee as he listens. Oh this is a lot. With a lot of context. Okay. So cursed objects, memory loss, and tragedy. Sounds like a horrible time for everyone involved. And this is the second time something like this has happened. No wonder there is so much force behind those words. A hidden rage that could level a mountain range.

Welp.]

I can see why you wanted to talk about it first. That is a lot. And your anger is justified. Someone you love has been hurt. That hurts. More than anything.

[A small song chord plays out somewhere but Lucifer isn't about to sing. Not now, music.]

Let's start with MK. He came to you. The apology and that promise are something you can talk about another time. When he's recovered. But right now, you're doing what you can. But let's focus on him for just a moment.

How did you feel when he came to you? And explained everything? And right now. Talk me through that.

I was heartbroken for him. MK's lost something fundamentally him for nearly everyone...except me. And I'm angry. Angry is an understatement. I wanted to go as soon as I heard and make Red Son pay...but MK needed me. He still does. And he needs me to not make things harder for him than they are.

But I'm not good at dealing with these kinds of issues, the ones he already had, or anyone's. I've been coasting by on the fact that we understand each other easily so this is a place he can feel secure.

Alright. You say you're not good at dealing with these things. Where do you struggle with them? Why do you think that?

[Wukong almost abruptly deflates, looking down at the cup in his hands.]

Because I'm a fuck-up. It hasn't mattered how I approach trying to help or to protect what matters, I mess it up and everything falls apart. I can't give people what they need.

When it comes to MK, I've never had the confidence issues that he has. I've always been comfortable in who I am. Never questioned if I'm good enough to be where I am. I can reassure him that he's enough, be encouraging and proud of him and mean it because I am. But I can't help the doubts and fears because I don't know how.

With Red Son, empathy never works for him because he's past wanting empathy and being able to empathize past people he cares about. He wants it acknowledged that he was hurt and that's wrong, without having to deal with any of the things surrounding that. And I struggle with that, so I can't really do much there except be available.

Macaque...well that's pretty much all me. I gave him the impression that I was in it for myself, when I thought I was securing our future together. He made that more than clear when we had our first fall-out. Recently we've been working through the fact that I wasn't clear that we were mates back then and I had chosen him, even though I thought I was being obvious. But...I can tell that there's still something there that I'm not doing, or seeing, or giving him.

And those are just the examples for people who are here.

I think stating you're a fuck up is a little extreme, Wukong. Take a breath and let's go through them one at a time. Yes?

MK. He has confidence issues and you have never had them before. You knew who you were the moment you hatched from the stone, yes? Where do you think this comes from for him? If he is comparing himself to you, those are massive footprints to fill. And he has not had as much time as you to build his name for himself.

Let's start there.

There's that, yeah. But he also blames himself for everything that's gone wrong, even though no one else does...except the people trying to get into his head. And then there's the whole "surprise, he's been a stone monkey this whole time" and being scared to harness his monkey form.

And I just...can't identify with that enough to help. Besides when it's just us.

Hmm. So he blames himself for things going wrong. Then there is that whole other issue of surprise, you're not human! Okay.

You do not have to identify with his problems to help, Wukong. Trust me on that. I know that from watching Charlie. You can still help despite not fully knowing or feeling what someone else is going through.

Perhaps those two things are related. A lack of self identity could be what causes him to blame himself. He's trying to find who he is. And, unfortunately, many of us tend to lean toward blaming ourselves and labeling ourselves as the monster or the problem. Especially when there are others who, despite not having our best intentions in mind, reinforce that view. Trust me. I know the feeling.

Perhaps instead of trying to counter it, something you can do is acknowledge it a little more. Tell him you see him. Yes, he's messed up. Yes, he's caused problems. But no one holds him solely responsible. And he can accept that but also be kinder to himself about it because everyone makes messes and mistakes. Look at the pig in your journey. He caused SOOOOOOO so so so many problems, didn't he? Even Macaque did for you.

Heaven, spirits, demons, and even yourself. And the monk. Especially the monk.

But you remember most of them fondly. Why? It worked out. You could move forward. Even when things were really really bad. And even now, you have messes you feel you need to clean up. Like with Macaque, don't you?

I've been trying to teach MK that things will work out if he leaves him better than how they were broken, but I can't...acknowledge the things he didn't do like he has something to improve on there.

[He finishes half the tea.]

And Macaque...was my fault, I guess. Yeah, he caused me trouble...but that was because of me, and I know I still have things to answer for.

When I say acknowledge I mean say you hear him when he says it. That he feels that way. Not that it's true.

Because he is feeling like that. And not everything can be fixed so easily or even at all. But learning from it, trying to understand it, and working to make sure it doesn't repeat is just as productive.

Macaque and you both made choices. I don't know everything but you both did. And those choices had consequences for you both. Choices and feelings abound. It is complicated. Very complicated, clearly. Love always is.

I could try that. It can't hurt more than he already is.

We both did yeah. Long story short is I wanted to secure things so we would have forever together. I was gone a bit. A lot, but I always sought him out first when I came home. I was always watching him, checking in, trying to show that he was cared for and valued. He was the only person I ever marked or let mark me, even when we were fooling around with the brotherhood...and why wouldn't I? He was always amazing and adorably attractive. Perfect and wholly worth achieving forever for.

[He smiles wistfully before sobering again, clearly still completely smitten]

Then when I was sealed under the mountain...I blew up at him because I was hurt and angry about everything. He blew up back about me always chasing power. Told me to my face that I was just doing it for myself, that I'd dragged everyone into my mess, that it was my own fault I was sealed away because I didn't listen to him. Which...maybe he was right. If I had backed down, then there would have been no one to inspire the brotherhood to action. At the very least, my brother Azure wouldn't have been inspired without me. And he left...never came back. Just close. That's where it started and everything else...just spiraled from there.

The after isn't where the problem is though, the journey to the west, those fights. We've resolved that. I think. We've talked and decided to move past that.

That kind of love is powerful. But I also know, from experience, how much it hurts when it feels like it's lost. Even for a little while.

But let's focus on MK still for just a moment longer. Then we can come back to Macaque.

You have something to try. Once you tell him you are acknowledge what he feels, try to ask him why. Ask him questions. See what he says. Walk him through it. You're going to be better at this than you think. Why? Because you care. Just help to make him feel heard. And ask him to think through it. Why is it his fault? Is it only his fault? Is there really blame to give? Where can most of the responsibility or blame be placed and why?

People change because they want to and someone supports them to do it. Someone says I know you want to be better, and I'm here to help you do just that.

You do a good job of making it sound simple and obvious. And you're not wrong. Plus we agreed he'll be staying here for a while so he can feel safe and recover, so maybe there will be time for it.

It is a little easier when you're on the outside looking in, I will admit.

Now for the...tougher subject.

Red Son.

Let's start with you just venting everything you are angry about. Go on. I'm listening.

Red Son.

It's a lot. Red Son is a lot like his father, proud, stubborn, and so certain of how things should have been that getting through to him could probably kill most mortals from the effort alone. It makes talking with him, working with him, being there for him hard. And I know it's because of my history with him, and the fact that he was separated from his father so young with no outside help.

But the thing that is making me angry is that he outwardly blames everyone else and everything else for the trauma he's suffering, while claiming he understands that he and his family are villains. He takes no time to consider how their actions, or even specifically his, affect people and never stops to think when he should...but basically demands that people are understanding of how he was hurt while he's dismissing everything else. He wanted me to acknowledge his pain and gave no attempt to meet me halfway in anything until he got his apology...but the last time pain like this was caused because of his trauma and insecurities he couldn't even concede that he should have talked to MK first.

I'm angry that he put me through so much grief about how I should talk more, dismissing everything I did and my attempts to show I care and that I understood and saw him, because it wasn't the exact way he needed it to be...but then he hurt MK. And now he's hurt MK again even worse than before, and I know enough to know it was because of the collar and that trauma...but I don't really care because I'm so mad right now. I want to care, but I'm also sick of caring when he has to act like his lack of empathy and his personal issues are pretty much the whole world's fault and no one else's.

And I'm angry because I want to be past the anger and the resentment and the frustration. I want to be available for him because he is my nephew and I care even if he swore up and down that I only thought I cared for him straight until I moved out. Even if him convincing his family not to do the thing that got his father sealed away and traumatized him was apparently dependent on my not fucking up with them even though I've left them alone since they freed DBK and immediately leveled a city full of innocent mortals and past that. And even though he ignored my advice when he asked for my help with MK's weremonkey stuff.

All of that's why I'm regretting not being able to just snap him in two even though I'd regret it.

[There is a lot there. A lot. Lucifer gently turns his ring around on his finger. He nods finally at the end.]

To start, you care for Red Son. When the people we care about hurt us and hurt the other people we care about, it hits us the hardest. It is a deep betrayal. I understand why you are so angry. Yet you know yourself and MK and Red Son enough to know if you did that, you would be delivering the same hurt onto MK and Red Son right now.

Though, Red Son's pain is also valid. Children whose parents are distance and gone react in one of two ways. The parent becomes someone they avoid, they feel alienated from, and even if they want to connect, they are scared or angered because they don't want to reach out.

Or the children yearn so deeply for their parent they do the opposite. They do anything for approval, recognition, and attention. They will forgive any sin. Red Son seems to be on that path. He yearned for his father's presence and approval once more so much, he forgave anything he's done. Which means all of that anger and pain has to be directed somewhere.

It isn't fair you were the target because you sealed him away. Because some of that should be at his father for doing something he should have known better than to do. He got away unscathed for the most part from your war on heaven. Yet he then decided to wage war against humanity and didn't think he would face consequences? That was a foolish decision on his part. He should have known better. He has no excuse not to. Yet Red Son, in his yearning, dismissed that idea likely long ago.

It most likely doesn't help that Princess Iron Fan never allowed him to consider that point of view on top of everything else. Her anger at you was also inherited by Red Son, being raised and around her and her loss, pain, and anger.

I have a question about Red Son. Do you want his forgiveness or his understanding more?

I'd rather his understanding. But he apparently needed to forgive me to get anywhere. So does that really even matter?

I would press him on that. Understanding likely should come first in order to forgive. Shouldn't it?

I mean, I would have thought that.

Perhaps you could bring that up when you do speak with him. But that will be after we talk about some more things.

So you have that. Understanding can come before forgiveness. May need to, between you both.

Now. Red Son, as I said, seems to see his father in a light of admiration. Trying to discuss the finer points of that won't do you much good. That's something Red Son has to decide to tackle and think about. It isn't for you nor is it your responsibility to handle that or help him handle that.

What you can focus on is him, you, and MK. You're hurting, MK is hurting, and I am sure Red Son is hurting. So let's start with what you would want to say to him. Pretend I'm Red Son.

[Wukong has to think about that for a good minute, nursing his tea before leatting out a sigh.]

I want to know what was going through your head. When you told him to take it off, and MK's response was to set himself on fire in order to strangle himself to snap it...why didn't you stop him? Think of some other way to remove the collar if it was that dangerous to him?

Let's start there.

And what if Red Son doesn't have an answer? I think it is a good question to start with.

But what if the answer is he doesn't know? Would that anger you?

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