dadbeatdad | Seasons - Lucifer's Voicemail

He thinks none of before means anything. Told me I don't have to keep humoring him. I reigned in my temper, waited three whole days, took him tea brewed perfectly for his overheated ass so he'd have something soothing...fucking died for MK AND him...

[He takes another drink.]

But because I was trying to tell him that he needs to stop making the choices on his own, to stop sacrificing himself, and that now almost no one can use one of the things that works most on MK...I clearly don't care about him.

Edited 2024-07-11 04:28 (UTC)

Just so insidious. I'll never recover from this deception.

I'll make sure there's peach wine and vodkaaaaa~

Done!!

[This explains the feelings coming off Wukong now. Very clearly.]

Your sworn nephew believes you don't care about him. That must be difficult. And...may I ask, do you think he cares about you?

I don't know. Every time I even slightly consider it, something like this happens. He made this big deal about how his ideal future includes me having a place there and being happy, but if it's this easy for him to just decide I don't...what am I supposed to think?

Hmm. The fact he wants you in his life, in his ideal future, means he cares about you. But perhaps that care, that love, is surrounded by something else that keeps it from coming out. Keeping it small. Afraid.

You know how that feels, don't you? Wanting someone to care for you but the fear of reprisal keeps it small until that fear is quelled?

I didn't used to until after Macaque...after MK...and especially after I got here.

But no matter what, it seems to be that I did it wrong. I didn't do or say the right thing. I'm the one who fucks it up every time.

Allow me to, well, play my own advocate here.

Even with your Master when you first met? He put the circlet on you. Used it to hurt you. You were charged with protecting someone you didn't know. And you protect those you care about. Yet with him, you had to protect before you cared. Was there not, even a small part of you, that was scared to open up to him when the journey started?

It wasn't something I really thought about back then. Opening up wasn't much of a thought because I just wanted to finish and get home.

So...I dunno if I can answer that honestly. Maybe after the first time he used it a bunch.

So you didn't think about it but you followed your feelings. The want to get free. Go home.

What I'm getting at is, if you could think to that. That time and those feelings. After Macaque, and Mk.

Perhaps, just maybe, Red Son feels something similar with you. Since clearly you both have the same thoughts about one another. [He drinks more champagne.]

Maybe, but it's not like it's just Red Son.

Keep going. Who else?

...how would you feel if someone was so doubtful that they had to ask if you love them. That they didn't before because they were afraid of rejection...that...they were so in that mindset they need you to spell out for them that they can come to you for support...

[He stares at the bottle in his hands.]

...and you only find out something is wrong because his other mate already knows.

I would probably feel extremely shitty and like a loser. Which is how you're feeling right now.

[Lucifer takes another long drink.]

Love...is a language with many d-dialects. Every person has their own. Some overlap. Some are alien to one another. Some display love through actions. Others, gifts. Some, physical intimacy. And some with words. Words hold as much meaning as actions for some. Sometimes more. Where the opposite can be true for others.

Words aren't always cheap. Actions can lie. If you love someone, it isn't just about speaking your own love language. It's speaking theirs. But both loves should try to teach the other their love language.

Communication is a bitch and a half, I'll tell you that right now. But it's worth all the effort and all the pain.

...I was trying both...back then. I was always watching him, seeking him out first and making sure he was okay, spending time, grooming, finding him during storms to comfort him, I told him I wanted to spend the rest of forever with him. I only marked him, he was the only one who marked me.

[He lays over the arm of the couch, back to Lucifer.]

I didn't have any doubts. I knew he loved me, even though I didn't know he was afraid to say it. But I wasn't giving him what he needed...I can't give Red Son what he needs...

And they apparently do that for each other.

Which...I guess makes sense why Macaque never trusted me. If I can't give my mate, my family, my friends...what they need. If I'm untrustworthy...it just makes sense.

I... well.. okay.

[ There's a small pause as she takes a deep breath, then exhales. A moment of silence and then it's broken as the words all kind of spill out at once. ]

I'm totally all about having healthy coping habits and it should be fine as long as it's helping others but i'm also supposed to advocate against people having sex before marriage. [ She pauses to take another inhale, then exhale. ] I also don't want to seem like i'm trying to tell my own dad what to do because that would be mean and not my place to do that, and i just want everything to work out with the hotel here...

[ Whoops. Hope that was even remotely understandable to him. ]

Sadly I don't think so. What my people did is unforgivable. We enslaved other nations, not sparing the old or the young, forcibly assimilated them into our empire, and grew our power at their expense. The treatment of those we subjugated was barbaric; wanton cruelty became normalised over the centuries.

[She's seen truly terrible things in her ancestors' memories.]

My people are the only human race in my world with the ability to turn into flesh-eating monsters. We terrorised everybody with our titan armies, and if I don't make the first move, it will happen again.

[Granted, she can't be completely sure of that - after all, the means to turn Eldians into titans will be locked away from her successor Eren -, but she does know that he's determined to meet the outside world with violence. That alone is already a disaster, something that was never meant to happen again.]

I see I see! A Sineater then. Feeding on the weight of the sins. Healing the mental damage as they feast. Oh I just love that.

Very well. Anything you need to make yourself comfortable then, One Sin. Just bob at it and I will do my best.

[He will snap and summon some chairs, a table, tea, and a lovely little double hook stand thing in case One Sin just wants to hang on it by the arms of their cross.]

[Lucifer listens. He did love through Charlie's emo phase. This isn't the same but if he could do that, he can get through this. Especially with him trying to make up for lost time. Lost connection.]

Okay. Let's break it all down. Sex before marriage is a biblical thing. And here, I mean, it isn't such a bad thing unless someone wants to become more virtuous, right? And I understand you wanting to make sure everyone is safe. And you're just telling me your worries. And I would rather you be honest than hold it in, Char Char.

We'll make this hotel work. I will do everything I can to make sure it does. I said I would support your dream, whatever lies instore, and I meant it. With all my heart.

[An empire of flesh-eating monsters. Terrorizing, killing, and enslaving countless others. Truly a force of evil in the past. There is no arguing against that. No rationale or reason can justify such acts of wanton cruelty and injustice.]

You bear the weight of centuries on your shoulders, my dear. And it sounds like you hold yourself personally accountable for the past and for the future.

Is there no way to simply remove this ability from your people? Keep them from turning into these things?

[His acknowledgement of her burden makes it feel much more real all of a sudden, and she tears up at the sympathy in his voice, just a little - he shouldn't hear it in her speech, hopefully. God, she's dumping all her huge problems on him when she just wanted to apologise for her rudeness..! She wants to bring back a tinge of light-heartedness and insist that he bill her for this unbooked therapy session - but his suggestion puts that thought on the backburner.]

Keep them from...

[She trails off. Past holder of the Founding Titan were able to use its powers to make their people immune to plagues and diseases. It absolutely is possible to alter their very biology. But to remove the titan "gene"? Is that feasible?]

I... I need to investigate that option with everything I've got at my disposal. If that were possible, it'd be our salvation.

[Ooh, comfortable! Evangeline pulls a chair out for herself while One Sin hangs on to the stand.]

How's the hotel going so far? The grand opening seemed like it was pretty popular.

[ Just hearing how well her dad takes it all is a bit of a relief, given her concerns about all of this. It reminded her that this wasn't hell so things would be a little different when it came to redemption and what it took, so perhaps she was coming down too harshly on this? ]

Thanks for hearing me out on this, dad. I... was worried it'd come off as being a bit... aggressive? Which I don't want to be, so... um.. yeah.

[ Charlie exhaled a very heavy sigh but when she speaks again her tone is much more uplifted. ]

I really do want you to know how much it means to me that we're getting a chance to do something like this here.

[This is what he's trying to do for Charlie. Help people. She would just seeing someone in need. Frieda seems in need for help. Which is why he's doing this now.]

It sounds like it might be a worthy option. If we can help, do let us know. Salvation is a little beyond what we aim for but I know I'd be glad to assist in any way.

Seasons - Lucifer's Voicemail

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