dadbeatdad | Seasons - Lucifer's Voicemail

Macaque clings to Lucifer and tries to keep his breathing regulated even as the tears don't stop.

"I thought that if I had my temper under control, I'd be okay. But I wasn't angry. I wasn't cruel. And I lost him anyway."

Lucifer holds Macaque and rubs his back too.

"This isn't your fault, Macaque. It's unfortunate circumstances. This isn't your fault."

Macaque wants to argue with that, but he suddenly can't speak very well. So he just sheds tears for a short while.

And then: "Wukong and Red are going to hate me for abandoning him."

Lucifer shook his head. "No. No they won't. They will not hate you. They love you. They'll worry for you both. They will want to know how they can help."

"They love MK more. And I'm the one that hurt him." Macaque says this like it's indisputable fact.

Lucifer winces hearing him say those words with that tone. Like he was saying the sky is blue or gravity works.

"I can't speak for them but I don't believe that. Give them a chance to show you that isn't how they feel. Give them the chance to surprise you." Lucifer doesn't want to just tell Macaque he's wrong but make room, hopefully, in Macaque's head and heart that they love him as much as they love Mk. That they won't see it as though Macaque is in the wrong. What's happened is unfortunate but it isn't any one person's fault.

All Macaque can do is nod miserably. He'll try his best. But even the movement is sluggish, like he already knows the result.

Lucifer is just going to hold and snuggle against Macaque. His mind thinking of solutions that spare Wylan and MK as best as possible while removing this problem so Macaque can be with his mate again.

"If only someone else could sweep Wylan off his feet and be in a monogamous relationship with him. That would solve pretty much everything."

Macaque sniffles and considers that.

"I guess so. But Wylan would have to give MK up, and I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't want to be with him. He's wonderful."

"He is wonderful, but that doesn't mean someone might not be a better match for Wylan. Just thinking and hoping out loud, that's all." He pets Macaque's hair still.

"I appreciate it. A neat and clean solution would be great, if it could just fall out of the sky. Please and thank you."

Macaque is still in abject misery, but here's to hoping. "I'm sorry that I'm making finding a solution difficult. I'm not trying to."

Lucifer kisses the top of Macaque's head.

"Hey. It is a difficult problem. They have difficult solutions. There is an answer out there and someone will find it."

"I hope so." And he hopes the answer wasn't what he did, breaking it off with MK so the other two could be happy. Because he wants to dive into a tunnel and never come out...

Except that Lucifer is here with him, supporting, helping, and that keeps him out of the all-or-nothing mindset enough.

"I love you. I really can't say it enough right now. You're keeping me from having very drastic feelings."

Lucifer can see such a familiar look in Macaque's eyes. Almost the same when he's in his depressive episodes and looks in the mirror. He cups his mate's cheek and kisses his nose.

"I love you too. And you do the same for me. I'll catch you when you fall and fly you back up. Every time, love."

Hearing that almost makes Macaque start crying again, but he takes a few sharp breaths and tries not to fall into that.

"Can we just lay here for a while? Talking about anything else? It might be hard to change the subject, but I need a break. Tell me what projects you're working on."

Lucifer nods. He can do that. He can change the subject.

"Of course, love. Right now I'm preparing my next ducky workshop. We're focusing on buoyancy for the next class. Also I've been studying in the library and checking out books. Mostly on communication styles and the like. Also I've taken up knitting again. It's been a while since I did that. Just something to do with my hands when they feel restless. And been pondering reorganizing the lobby. Just for a nice change of pace."

Macaque settles against Lucifer and seems to relax somewhat as Lucifer talks.

"You have a lot of projects."

"I do like to keep busy. That and I might be going through a manic episode. But at least I can use the energy to be productive. Not sure how many seasons this one will last. And when I feel myself coming down, I'll call you. But yes. I do. Of course, I will always make time for you, my love. Just ask and I'll rearrange my entire schedule to lay here and hold you as long and as often as you need."

"I'd say hopefully it won't be that often but I do get slammed with fair regularity. Apologies."

Note to self, read up on bipolar disorder in addition to the rest.

"Thanks for being there for me. I feel the same way about--" he yawns widely "--you."

Lucifer smiles and gently grooms Macaque's hair. He hums a soft lullaby now as the snuggles with his mate.

"You're welcome and I know you do." He'll just hum softly for Macaque, trying to help soothe him to sleep.

Macaque softly purrs at the grooming. After such high emotion, he's growing exhausted very quickly.

"Wake me if he calls or texts, okay? Not that I expect it..." But you can never be too sure.

"Of course, love. I will," Lucifer said as he took Macaque's phone and made sure he could see it if it lights up. Then he went back to humming for him. Part of him hopes there is a call or text. Part of him hopes there isn't. For very different reasons each.

"Thanks," he murmurs, confident that he won't miss anything by crashing for a while.

"Love you." And with that, he lets himself rest. It's fitful, but that's the best he's got.

Seasons - Lucifer's Voicemail

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