dadbeatdad | Seasons - Lucifer's Voicemail

Seasons - Lucifer's Voicemail

Why hello there. You've reached Lucifer Morningstar. Sorry I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message after the tone and I might get back to you. Make it good~ Byyyyyyye~

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"MK recovered... but who knows what harm I did that can't be undone? He deserves so much better than that. I went in there to help him, but I think I did more harm than good." Clearly this is eating at her.

"I'm far from the only one who lost people to the whims of the multiverse, or experienced pain like this. Normally I can brush it off, I just can't anymore. And I have no idea what to do about it. I wish I knew what could help me, but if I ask the people I love, if I tell them I'm feeling this way, isn't that just more of me hurting people? I want to stop hurting people."

"The only way to know is to talk to him. Spend time with him and see if he's changed," Lucifer said softly. "And if he had changed dramatically, Wukong would have told me. So he hasn't done any sudden 180s. And you are used to brushing it off but because you had to. Because you knew you would eventually forget. That doesn't happen anymore. It hurts more if you don't tell people. If you hide it. I'm not hurt with you talking to me like this. Am I sad for you? Of course. But it isn't painful for me unlike me discovering you were suffering in silence and felt you had no one to go to," Lucifer explained.

"If it helps, at all, you've never hurt me for as long as we've known each other. It isn't like you are telling those around you that they aren't enough. It is you telling those you care about you need them more than ever right now. Because you need us to help, in whatever way we can. Like you've been there for all of us."

"If I spend time with him, there's no way he won't notice how I'm feeling. Wukong too. I think that's why I said no to hanging out with him. If I did, then I'd have to explain all this and it'll just spread the misery around since they both feel guilty about everything with the same reliability that I do." Which is how she knows it'll be a thing.

"I'm just... so tired. I'd get like this toward the end of my waking cycle, I think. I guess that could be because I knew what was about to happen."

"Though as a counterpoint, they may surprise you. Given Wukong was in the same game and it was MK's game. They may not feel as guilty. I understand not wanting to rehash what you're feeling. But Cognitive Behavioral Therapy says spending time doing things you like, with people you like, can help with thoughts and feelings. It is something to consider, is all I am saying. And maybe you should speak with Red Son? Perhaps this might be some side effect of the treatment? Maybe it wasn't just a one time cure all?"

Lucifer has no fucking clue but like, if it worked once, maybe it needed to be redone?

"You don't think it'll make them feel bad?" She doubts it. Those two are as talented as she is at making everything their fault, especially since it was MK's heart game, which Wukong probably feels shitty about since if he hadn't died then Relius would never have gotten his hands on MK.

"I can try to talk to Red Son about another treatment. That at least can't hurt, we know it won't have bad effects on me.. Other medication has made me go berserk and hurt people, and I promised that no one would have to kill me again." She's not sure what all Lucifer knows about that, in retrospect, but it just slipped out. It doesn't seem worth trying anything else.

"I honestly don't know but I would think not in the way you might be thinking. I don't think they would blame themselves. I don't think they would turn it on themselves. Would they feel sympathy for you, their friend, who is hurting? Yes. I know they would. Because they are kind caring people with big hearts. And they have been hurt too so they ache when someone they care about hurts too," Lucifer said with confidence.

"I think that is a good idea. That way, at least, someone who understands the treatment is aware. ...And I was unaware people had to kill you before due to something like that. I understand wanting to shield others from that burden. You don't shield yourself from it. Perhaps because you know the pain of it all to well, especially right now?"

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Seasons - Lucifer's Voicemail

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