dadbeatdad | Seasons - Lucifer's Voicemail

Lucifer keeps wings and arms wrapped around his mate. He starts to think on how to help with this. To help them return to one another with his intact. Ending the relationship between Mk and Wylan isn't an answer. Can't go down that route. It's how to help Macaque perhaps accept not a full change but an openness to transition?

"Kids grow up, even though for you they may seem the same. Could you see yourself acknowledging that Wylan is growing into adulthood, if possible?"

Macaque curls up on Lucifer, exhausted and distraught.

"I can... but in the same way that my children are growing up and coming into early adulthood. I associate him with my children, in that same grouping. Especially since he's between the two of them in age."

Something in Macaque's words gives Lucifer pause.

"Do you see him as a child who may become one of your own kids one day? Joining that family unit?"

"Wash and I are nowhere close to that. But... potentially, perhaps. Yes, it's something that crossed my mind now and then once Wash and I started growing closer and got together officially."

That complicates things. Very much complicates things if that is the possible future. Or inevitable, given how in sync Wash and Macaque already are and they're still exploring their relationship. Which makes this problem all the more delicate. How can he convince Macaque to not see Wylan as a child when he has thought about adopting him as another of his children? And then work to separate that from his mate, Mk, being in a relationship with that same Wylan.

Lucifer is quiet as he tries to think how to untangle this problem but he's only succeeded as making it even more tangled in his own mind.

"Did you ever think of Mk as a kid?"

Yeah, it's a pickle isn't it? Macaque hasn't been so presumptuous as to see him and Wash being a family unit, nor that Wylan would necessarily want another parent, but the thought is there all the same. The potential. A future he could maybe have wanted, until today.

"Yes. When we first met. Until a little past finding out that he was interested in me. When I learned that, I had to rework my image of him entirely."

Okay, this might be a way to help Macaque. Lucifer hopes anyway.

"Can you walk me through how you did that? If you remember?"

"I remember." It wasn't so long ago.

"He was a kid to me. A student. And then I learned that Red and he were together. Red, who is immortal like me, who is closer to my age than not. Who I see as a peer. That helped. Trying to think of MK as a legal adult according to human society helped some. And some of it was just spending time with him and considering what it might be like to be with him -- sexually, I mean. Emotionally, at the time, I was nowhere near ready. It was a slow process, and I fought myself most of the way."

So it was part thanks to Red Son, that makes sense. Also Mk's adult feelings and just spending time thinking of him that light. Lucifer will need to think how that could be used to help transfer the ideas to Wylan, if that was possible. Though since Wylan feels connected to his own kids, that might be another angle.

"Alright. And your kids. As they grow, they will always be your children but you do acknowledge they will also become adults as well, right? I ask not in a judging way but in trying to help me follow your logic to help you with unraveling all of this."

"I know that they will. They'll be amazing adults."

"But they'll still be my kids. I wouldn't date one of them, or their mate Eve."

"I mean, of course you wouldn't. I just wanted to get a feel that adulthood and seeing them as your children and your peers at the same time is the future," Lucifer clarified. He ran his fingers through Macaque's hair and kissed his forehead.

"What if say Choco-chan and Red Son became close? Can you think on that for a moment and tell me how that would also make you feel?"

"They'll be adults, but they'll still be my children. I get the peer thing, sort of, but I can't square that with the dating thing."

"You mean close as in mates?" He winces.

"I did yes, though that since tells me quite a lot. I'm guessing the same roadblock appears in your mind?"

"I wouldn't be able to stay as mates with Red and call Choco my daughter. One would have to give, and I'm never giving up my child. So."

"Of course not," Lucifer knew he could never give up Charlie as his daughter. Of course Macaque couldn't give her up. This was a very hard problem to untangle.

"I will admit, this is very much a tricky problem."

Macaque deflates somewhat. "It is. There's a reason we had to break up. I couldn't detangle it right then and there, and I don't know how long it would take me to do so. If I even could."

"Thank you, though. Thank you for trying to help. What I want is MK back, and I am trying to keep that in my mind so I don't give up."

"I'm not going to give up helping you. One way or another. I will think on this and try to see if there are any books in the library about...anything similar to this," Lucifer kisses Macaque on the forehead again.

"We'll figure out about something. I am not going to stop until you tell me to."

Macaque draws a shaky, sobbing breath and kisses Lucifer gently, chastely on the mouth. "I love you. I hope nothing ever happens where I lose you." Those awful possibilities are on his mind now, understandably.

Lucifer kisses back, chastely and soft. He presses their foreheads together.

"I love you too. Nothing is going to happen that will cause you to lose me. Absolutely nothing, love. I know that like I know the sky in Hell is red."

"A few hours ago, I knew that nothing could cause me to lose MK, but I was wrong." His voice is breaking here and there.

"I hope you're right. Please be right."

Lucifer pulled Macaque against him and laid down with him. He kept his mate surrounded by his soft wings and kissed his forehead, then around his eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise. ...It's okay to cry, love. It is okay to hope this works out and mourn what's happened."

The dissonance between how safe Lucifer's hold feels and how unsafe Macaque feels emotionally -- through no fault of Lucifer's, of course -- is so hard to reconcile.

But Macaque thinks about kissing MK, how that might have been the last time, and the tears fall.

Lucifer brushes the tears with his fingers and let's Macaque let it out. He needs to. This has to be so many emotions boiling inside him all at once. Macaque and loss are old friends and it's something he wished Macaque didn't have to feel again. He doesn't say anything. He holds his mate, brushing away the tears from his cheeks, and letting him just feel in this moment.

Macaque clings to Lucifer and tries to keep his breathing regulated even as the tears don't stop.

"I thought that if I had my temper under control, I'd be okay. But I wasn't angry. I wasn't cruel. And I lost him anyway."

Lucifer holds Macaque and rubs his back too.

"This isn't your fault, Macaque. It's unfortunate circumstances. This isn't your fault."

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